Vae Victis
by Aethys
Summary: After defeating Saren and Sovereign, Commander Shepard hopes to gain the Council's full support against the reapers. However, before she could put any of her plans into motion, everything falls apart when the Normandy is destroyed and the Commander's body disappears into space. Starts at the beginning of ME2. Centered around Garrus - FemShep romance.
1. Treshold

**AN: The story starts at the beginning of ME2, and will roughly follow the main storyline, but I also decided to take some liberties and change a few smaller things along the way.  
My FemShep is custom made, blonde, with the brightest green eyes possible in ME and ME2.**

* * *

Name: Neira Shepard  
Gender: Female  
Date of birth: 2154 CE  
Alliance military rank: Commander  
Citadel Council Title: Spectre  
Status: MIA

* * *

2183 CE

Neira Shepard was restless and that meant she was very much not like her regular self. She kept pacing around the Normandy with visible irritation on her face and in her gestures. Joker even went as far to say that the commander was 'pouting', but only did so when he was certain that she couldn't hear him.  
Being stationed in the middle of nowhere, chasing phantom attacks and disappearances that might or might not be connected to the geth… She clenched her teeth whenever she reminded herself how much she regretted saving the asses of those pompous bureaucratic maggots, a.k.a. 'The Council'. No, not just 'council'. It had to be 'The Council', because they were 'oh so important', and 'oh so impotent.'  
Even though she managed to develop her grudge towards them to a whole new level, she was still very well aware why she had made the decision of saving them in the first place. First, she wanted to avoid creating chaos as much as possible, and if she had had to wait for a new council to assemble, she might as well could have taken the Normandy to an 'around the galaxy' sightseeing tour right till the reapers shown up and destroyed civilization. Second, she hoped that now that the mighty Council had come face-to-face with the very real, very close threat, they might get some revelation and put their asses on the plan to save the galaxy. Sadly, they remained just as useless as they were before.  
So there she was, out in some god forsaken system of the galaxy – she didn't even bother to memorize the name – pretty much doing nothing. She sighed in utter defeat and decided to head back to her chambers and continue being a 'little black raincloud' there.

As she had nothing better to do, she decided to check her mail. Normally she hated doing so, because then she would have to spend at least an hour writing stupid replies to every little 'I hope you're well' and 'good luck with the mission' or 'thanks for saving me'. It's not that she didn't appreciate the thought, she just wasn't the type of person to enjoy doing idle stuff and pleasantries.  
As she read through her inbox, a small smile crept on her face, the first one that day. There was a message from Garrus, now in spectre training. Their usual way of communication nowadays consisted of Garrus asking for her opinion on a matter, which Shepard would reply something along the lines of 'get your head out of your ass and finish the damn training, the sooner the better, so we can get to kick ass together'.  
She wouldn't admit it out loud, but she really missed her old team; Tali's innocent little chatter, the way Garrus looked up to her like a mentor, butting heads with Wrex from time to time over meaningless stuff, or just listening to Liara go on and on and on about her beloved Protheans.  
Hell, she felt like she wouldn't even mind giving another lecture to Ash on being nice to the new alien kids… Well, it was pretty much impossible to do anymore. Whenever the thought came up, the Commander felt emptiness and guilt tugging at her chest. Williams was a good soldier, she knew what she signed up for, but still… Shepard hated the fact with all her gut that she had chose between them. It's not like Ash deserved any less to be saved than Alenko. It was the worst situation in her life, even worse than Akuze; because there, it was pretty much 'survival for the fittest'. On Virmire, the blood was on her hands. Well, when Alenko questioned her about it, she said that it was Saren's fault, but that was a white lie. The LT was confused enough on his own, and Shepard didn't want to make things worse. Besides, she was the commander. She just couldn't afford to show vulnerability.

Now that the first real clash with the reapers was behind her, she could finally sit back and think about everything that happened up to the point. She tried to pinpoint her mistakes, and sadly, letting Kaidan too close was definitely amongst them. After getting through Eden Prime together and learning about his implant problems from Dr. Chakwas, Shepard started feeling responsible towards the lieutenant. At first she found his unfaltering admiration curious, but soon it just pretty much grew on her. She also found his indecisive way of 'flirting' quite entertaining, but she had to admit, she never took him seriously. Eventually ending up in bed with him was a hasty decision and much more stress relief than actual feelings. Now she was well aware that her choice of dealing with problems was rather unprofessional, and having to put up with Kaidan became her new reason for headache.

* * *

When the whole ship was shaken under her feet, Shepard's brain needed a few seconds to register that they were indeed ambushed. Who could be stupid enough to attack _the Normandy_? Besides… Her ship was supposed to be the best at being 'subtle', so just how the hell did they manage to sneak up on _them_?!  
She was usually pretty quick in suiting up, but now she doubled the pace and was in armor from head to toe in record time. She had no idea what was going on… after no more than a few minutes, the Normandy's deck looked as if the apocalypse itself decided to pay a personal visit. Stepping into the mess hall, seeing the fire and destruction everywhere, she realized in less than moment that the ship, - _her ship - _ was going down and there was no turning back.

Alenko started on his usual routine of playing a blockhead, but this time the Commander had no patience to deal with him, so she sent him on his way rather forcefully. Panick was not an option, so she turned to silent rage as she marched through the CIC to 'haul Joker's crippled ass out of his seat', as promised. While she said that she would do that, she couldn't really be angry with her helmsman. The only person who loved the Normandy more than her was this guy. Some members of the crew had a habit of saying that the ship was Shepard's and Joker's lovechild, and they weren't far from the truth.  
Neira Shepard spent her life moving from one place to another, thus never really being able to understand the meaning of 'home'. Not like she missed having one, as far as she was concerned, her life was fine the way it was. She was damn sure that she caught the whole 'attachment' thing from hanging too much around Joker, by the way. Still, after having the ship assigned to her command, she started getting attached to Normandy and soon it was the only place she felt like home. That home was coming down in flames…

Shepard already knew that Joker wouldn't see reason, so she cut to the chase and dragged him out of his beloved chair with an annoyed 'yeah, whatever' , throwing him over her should not so gently. She wasn't angry with him. Yes, she would have shouted his head right off his neck if she was given the chance, but for all her rage, she couldn't blame him for his desperation, and when she smashed the console of the escape pod with all her might, she did it without second thought, watching her world fall apart piece by piece as she slowly drifted away.

* * *

The days passed by in a monotonous rhythm for Garrus. While he was waiting for his application for spectre training to be accepted, he decided to go back to his job at C-Sec for the time being. Every day was the same. Compared to fighting on Shepard's side, everything seemed boring and trivial back at the Citadel, as he didn't feel like he was making any difference at all. At first he had no idea how much he would miss her after leaving the Normandy. In the last months, Commander Shepard was always there whenever he needed someone to talk to, and he held the Commander's opinion in the highest regard.

When he had first joined the team, he felt a little uneasy about fitting in with all those different people around him. At that time, Shepard was the only one to welcome him with open arms. The humans eyed him suspiciously and the other non-humans were busy with their own problems, so it was pretty much 'every man for himself'. At least that's what he thought until he started tagging along on missions with the Commander. They didn't need much time to realize that their dynamics matched well. In battle, she would take the lead, mowing down enemies one by one in front of her, while he would stay behind, watching her back and flanks, sniping the ones who were foolish enough to rush in or try to ambush her from the sidelines.

He was pretty sure that his skills improved dramatically under her command. His senses, reflexes and instincts became sharper, his endurance and stamina greater and most importantly, she taught him to convert his anger and rage into energy, fuel for his body to move on. Right now, this was his best shot at becoming spectre, for him it was now or never.  
Everyone who knew C-Sec Officer Garrus Vakarian just a little, also knew how much the rules and limitations of his jobs frustrated him. Because of that, no one was really surprised when he applied for the spectre position. Well, as much as he kept saying it, it was hard to miss. He told Shepard the same thing, but he never bothered the mention his other reason. After all they went through, he realized he wanted to be her _equal_, so the next time they faced the reapers, they would do it side by side, like usual, but this time, he wouldn't be just a subordinate, they would be _partners_.

* * *

The minutes passed by terribly slowly as Garrus let out a frustrated sigh behind his desk. He was writing reports, which was by no surprise the most hated part of his job as officer. He managed to arrest a human who was stalking an asari dancer.  
"What a catch… Promotion must be right around the corner", he huffed sarcastically.  
A moment later he received an urgent call from Councilor Anderson's office, but there were no details except that he should head there ASAP. The plates covering his face turned into a frown. For a moment, he thought about the possibility of Anderson also having a stalker. What a glorious day it would be…

His chest felt heavy, as if a krogan was sitting right on top of him, and all the air was pushed out of his lungs. His mind screamed 'system failure', and he was just sitting there, with his mandibles flown open in shock. His body went numb, and suddenly dizziness hit him like a concussive shot to the head.  
"A… are… are you sure?"  
It was evident that his mind refused to cope with the situation. Maybe he was just dreaming… but then it was his worst nightmare up to date.  
"I'm sorry, Officer Vakarian. Sadly, it's just as I said. The Normandy went down a few hours ago. The Commander is dead."  
Anderson's voice was just as calm and collected as ever, but Garrus could hear the sadness and grief behind the forced composure.  
"Well, officially, Commander Shepard is 'Missing in Action', but with the given circumstances… We both know what that means."  
Garrus tried to swallow, but his throat was dry. He was listening to Anderson's voice, but it seemed to come from a place far away. His eyes darted from one point to another in the room, searching, but for what, he had no idea. He heard the councilor mention his name and he finally managed to snap out of his trance-like state.  
"Officer Vakarian, you listening?"  
Anderson wasn't angry, but he suddenly looked awfully tired.  
"Um… yes. I mean, yes Sir."  
"This information is classified. The Council doesn't want this out in the open, not now…"  
"I… I understand, Sir."  
Of course they wouldn't want to… What if she's still alive and comes back, marching through the Citadel, like usual… How stupid they would look… He shook his head. No. What the hell was he doing, thinking like that? Being blown into space, with a damaged suit and surviving? Even Shepard couldn't pull that one off. Who the hell was he kidding?  
Confused, he stood from the chair and left the office. It all felt so surreal. Why was he so calm? Wasn't he supposed to get angry? Furious? Desperate? He heard the words, understood them, but it was like they didn't really sink in. They were floating on the surface, haunting him, but he wasn't sure what they really meant.

* * *

Garrus didn't even remember the route he had taken to get to his apartment. He felt like he was nothing more than a ghost, and he was pretty sure he looked like one too. He fell down to the couch with an ungraceful thud, his head leaning against the edge. Shepard was dead. What now? What did that _really_ mean? He tried to recall the time when he had last seen her.

_The fight against Saren and Sovereign had finally come to an end, but Shepard was well aware that the next battle was just around the corner, but she agreed that for the time being it would be best if everyone went and sorted out their own problems and priorities. There wasn't much to go on anyway.  
It was late in the evening, and members of the crew were scattered around the Citadel on shore leave. Garrus had already said his formal goodbye, but decided to leave when no one was around. As he walked into the CIC, he spotted the Commander leaning over the galaxy map, deep in thought.  
"Commander Shepard…"  
She looked up, a bit surprised. She straightened her back and left her post, walking up to him before saying anything.  
"Is there a problem, Garrus?"  
Her voice was calm and collected, like usual, but with a hint of friendliness reserved for her team only.  
"Well… not exactly a problem. I'd like to ask you something, Commander."  
"Go ahead."  
"Aren't you… umm… angry with us, for leaving?"  
At first, she looked at him with a rather strict expression, and Garrus already regretted asking. Then, a cunning smile appeared on her face – at least that's how Garrus interpreted it – and she gave a soft, discreet laugh when she saw his embarrassed expression.  
"No, I'm not. Right now there is not much to do anyway, and all of you have personal matters that should be settled before things get serious."  
For a moment, she looked down, like there was something rather interesting on the floor. When she looked up to meet his eyes one more time, she had another smile on her face, very much like the first one.  
"Besides, I know that when shit happens, all of you will come back running to me."  
"That's because we know we can count on you, Commander."  
"Yeah-yeah… I'm a fuckin' saint, really."  
His mandibles flew open into a wholehearted grin as he eyed the Commander's from toe to head one last time.  
"Something like that."  
"Now stop grinning like an idiot and get that spectre training of yours going. The sooner you get your ass back on the Normandy, the better."  
"Goodbye, Shepard."  
"See ya."  
With that, Sheaprd was on her way back to the galaxy map._

Reliving that memory finally did him in. The weight of Shepard's death came crumbling down with all the rage and sorrow he was subconsciously holding back. At first, it was just a painful growl, but soon it grew into an excruciating roar as he fell to his knees, his talons leaving scratch marks across the floor.

_"Besides, I know that when shit happens, all of you will come back running to me."_

Well, apparently, it wasn't true. They weren't there when she needed them. He wasn't there. She was always there for him, and the one time she could have really used some help, she was all alone, because Garrus decided that his stupid ego was more important. He felt guilt, rage, and emptiness. What the hell was he supposed to do now?!


	2. Vertigo

**AN: This chapter focuses on Garrus. The events of what happened to him after Shepard's death are described in the Mass Effect: Homeworlds official comic series. Sadly, I didn't have a chance to read them, so I built my version on the summaries I read, adding my own ideas with the details.**

* * *

Nigthmares became Garrus' regular nighttime visitors. The first few days were the worst, he felt that he would rather stay awake, exhausted than go back to sleep only to see her die again and again.  
Even though the rational part of his mind was well aware that he couldn't have done anything, his subconscious kept poking him with agonizing guilt and emptiness. He was surprised to realize that she meant so much to him. Yes, he knew the basics; he looked up to her, maybe even 'admired' her courage and ambition to some extent.

When he had first boarded the Normandy, he had been skeptical, but kept his thoughts to himself. A human who earned the title of 'Spectre'… She really had to be something, and Garrus Vakarian was curious to find out what was so special about her. His respect for the Commander grew each day, and even though he didn't agree with every choice she made, he never questioned her authority. Whenever he didn't understand the reason for her decision, he simply asked her on the sidelines later, and she would always give him a proper answer, not necessarily making him agree, but making him see her point.  
He noticed, however, that the human crew had a different concept of authority. Whenever he heard Alenko or Williams trying to conquer the Commander's orders, Garrus found the urge of putting them in their place hard to resist, but thankfully the Commander didn't have much patience for stonewalling either.

Shepard was a maximalist, and it didn't take much time for Garrus to notice that they shared this trait. She wasn't satisfied with half-complete missions or loose ends. If you wanted her respect, you had to earn it, but once you were there, you could count on her to be there for you, no matter how trivial the problem was.  
Hell, she even got Wrex to respect her, and earning the acknowledgement of a krogan wasn't something just anyone could pull off…  
If he thought about it carefully, Garrus realized that their relationship developed steadily; first he looked up to her as mentor, then as a comrade, and finally as a friend. It was a silent understanding between them, they never voiced it. There was no need to. Whenever Shepard was heading out for a heavy mission, she always had Garrus tag along. She trusted him to watch her back, the place where she was the most vulnerable, and the place that people would rather prefer to be backed by a wall than another person.

Commander Shepard was supposed to be the one to save the galaxy. Her mind was set on this one destination, and there was nothing that could have made her back down. Nothing but death, apparently. However, the threat was still real, the reapers were still on their way, with or without Shepard.  
As Garrus kept wondering about his purpose after the Commander's death, he soon came to the conclusion that finishing the job was now their responsibility. From that point, this realization gave him motivation to face the next day.

* * *

He was furious. All the things inside his reach ended up being broken to pieces or were sent flying across the office.  
Officer Chellick entered the room with worry apparent on his face, but before he could say a word, he had to duck to dodge an unlucky mug flying in his direction, crashing behind him on the doorframe.  
"Vakarian, pull yourself together!"  
Chellick only dared to shout when he was behind safe cover. He had no idea what happened, but he was determined to find out. Garrus was always a hotheaded kid, but throwing a tantrum like that was unacceptable from a man in his position.  
The only answer coming from Vakarian was a displeased grunt, but at least he also stopped demolishing the building. Suddenly, the silence felt unnatural. Garrus stood still, his plated face leaning against the wall in front him. With eyes closed, he tried his best to come to terms with himself and the situation quickly.

"So… what happened? Did your last case go wrong?"  
Officer Chellick left his cover carefully, leaving himself an escape route open if things started going downhill again. Garrus opened his eyes for a moment, giving a side-glance to his colleague.  
"The Council", he huffed angrily, followed up with colorful turian swear-words.  
"What did they do this time?"  
"They denied my application for spectre training. They're denying the whole reaper thing, damn it."  
His speech turned into a growl as he smashed his fist against the wall.  
"Now that Shepard is out, they think they're free to go back to their stupid bickering and political scheming… Curse them all…"  
"Wait, what? What happened to the Commander?"  
"Yeah… they're planning to cover that one up too. Bastards."  
Garrus took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Only an idiot couldn't see what was really going on… The Council wouldn't want him as a spectre, because they didn't want to deal with 'another Shepard', not when they were finally rid of her nagging. Those pathetic fools…  
"I'll just go and take the day off. Or the week. Or the whole damn year…"  
"Don't give up, Garrus. You just need some time."  
"Time? For what? Don't make me laugh."  
He scoffed, and left the office as it was, in ruins. He had no idea where he was going, but right now any place would have been better than C-Sec, or the Citadel itself.

* * *

Days passed, weeks flew by and the feeling of grief slowly turned into bitterness. The amount of reprehension accumulated by Officer Vakarian left his colleagues worried. Abuse of authority, violation of countless rules, uncouth and occasionally violent behavior with suspects; all this resulting in a heap of reports piling on Executor Pallin's desk.

"Officer Vakarian…"  
"Executor."  
"You were always a stubborn one, but in these last weeks, you weren't making my job _any_ easier…"  
"I was just doing mine."  
"Well, your results are… how to describe it… 'exceptional'. However, your methods are giving me quite a headache."  
"Isn't our job to keep the Citadel safe and clean from crime, Sir?"  
"Indeed it is. But we are an official organization; that's why we do our job the _legitimate_ way."  
"That's also the inefficient way, Sir."  
"Damn you, Vakarian, what the hell are you thinking? If we don't play by the rules, how can we expect civilians to do so?"  
"Our job is to hunt criminals, and sorry Sir, but they don't give a shit about our rules."  
"Hunt? We are not a band of nefarious mercenaries, Vakarian. Your father understood the principles C-Sec was built on perfectly, maybe you should ask for his guidance before it's too late."  
"I'm not my father, Sir."  
"Obviously."

Their conversation seemed to be long past hope; heading downhill at an alarming speed. The final confrontation was almost unavoidable, but suddenly the situation was momentarily saved by the element of _deus ex machina, _arriving onto the scene in the form of the turian councilor, Sparatus.  
"I'm terribly sorry for the interruption, Executor, but there is an urgent matter that requires your attention..."  
There was a moment of awkward silence in the room, then the doors hissed shut and Pallin quickly put his mind into the matter.  
"Certainly, Councilor. Vakarian, we will continue this conversation later."  
He respectfully nodded towards the councilor, but his eyes remained cold towards Garrus, making sure he understood that he wasn't off the hook just yet.  
"Understood, Sir. Executor, Councilor…"  
Garrus slightly bowed his head towards each one of them at the mention of their titles and prepared to leave the room with his head held high.  
"Vakarian? Ahh, I see. Can I have a minute of your time?"  
"Councilor?"  
"I'm sorry about the spectre training. You would have made a promising candidate."  
They were standing a few feet from each other, Sparatus arriving and Garrus leaving, their shoulders almost in the same line, their faces turned sideways.  
"Don't mention it, Sir. I guess I wasn't fit for the position, after all."  
"Maybe you should try it next year or the year after. I'm certain this 'storm' will blow over soon."  
"Too soon, if you ask me, Sir."  
Garrus nodded again at the councilor and left the room with an expressionless face and measured steps.

* * *

After handing in his resignation, Garrus felt like he was finally able to take a deep breath after being suffocated for weeks. Maybe he would come to regret his decision later, but he honestly doubted the possibility. Besides, the expression on Pallin's face was priceless, thinking about it made him chuckle while he strode out of the building. He was finished with C-Sec for a lifetime.

Working as a renegade was a whole new level of experience, but finally he was rid of the cursed 'red tape'. No rules, but his own… He decided that he could live with this.  
He started at the obvious: drug cartels. C-Sec only dealt with the small fries, the big ones were always out of reach. Bribes, connections, back-stairs; none of them mattered anymore. With patience, he knew he could work his way to the root of the problem.

_Corruption, the disease of society. _Now he understood, why his work at C-Sec seemed to be pointless. Whenever he took out a dealer by persuasion or force, they were replaced almost instantly; 'growing like mushrooms', as Shepard used to say. Garrus soon realized that being stuck on the streets won't help him. 'Emptying' a position will only tempt others to rise and take it. As long as supply kept pouring in, they would make sure to create demand for it.

* * *

After days of tenacious hunting, Garrus reached one of the major smugglers on the Citadel. The guy wasn't an amateur, he kept lots of threads in his hands and even more money in his pockets. He worked with caution and discretion, never making a personal appearance when it came to business. Garrus had never seen his name pop up in C-Sec reports, and now he understood why.

Getting through his mercs wasn't an easy job, but it wasn't impossible either. Despite their superiority in numbers, they were no better than average. Garrus picked them off one by one, alternating between his sniper and assault rifle whenever necessary. The whole situation reminded him of his days with Shepard. At certain moments, he almost expected her to jump out of cover, disorienting the enemy with a grenade and charging right at them… He still missed her, and now he was pretty sure he would miss her all his life.  
Dealing with the smuggler was a piece of cake. Since Garrus had no interest in money or position, the bastard had nothing to throw at him other than empty words. After a few minutes of not so friendly chatter, he had all the information he needed, and the smuggler was sent flying from the docking bay. An unfortunate accident, really.

"Omega, huh?" he asked himself. He never had the chance to visit the place, but up until now, he didn't mind. He knew exactly what kind of place Omega was; no rules, no order, no authority. Maybe it was time for Garrus Vakarian to pay a visit too.

* * *

"Thank you. We owe you our life." The elderly human male held out his hand to Garrus for a handshake, as a sign of respect.  
"Of all the places, I would never have expected to meet an _angel_ right here." The old lady's smile was genuine and friendly as her small figure gazed up at him. Her eyes gave him a warm and cozy feeling, something he hadn't had a chance to experience in ages.  
"An angel?" He was confused. He didn't know much about human things like that.  
The husband and wife looked at each other, then the elderly woman smiled again.  
"Angels are beings of righteousness. They bring judgment to those who stray from the path. They punish the evil and protect the pure."  
"I… I see."  
"Thank you for your help, child. I'll pray for you."

Saving the elderly couple from a vorcha didn't require a lot of effort from Garrus, but it meant everything to them. Listening to the old lady made him think. He just arrived at this place, but the chaos and corruption was apparent. Even the air smelled foul. _'A god-forsaken hellhole',_ he heard Shepard's voice in his head.

_"Another god-forsaken hellhole we managed to crawl into. Is it Monday again?"  
"I didn't know you were religious, Commander."  
"Huh?"  
"You mentioned the human's 'God', haven't you?"  
"Ugh… Seriously, Garrus? Do you honestly think I'd bother with stuff like that?"  
"I'd be surprised…"  
"I don't care about religion. I don't mind if you do, just don't start preaching to me, because I'll throw you out the airlock right then and there."  
"I'll keep that in mind, Commander." He chuckled and Shepard gave him a cocky half-smile.  
"If you spend enough time around humans, phrases like that will start sticking to you like dirt, Vakarian."_

"I guess there are worse things than dirt that could get stuck to you at a place like this…" He scoffed as he gave a thorough look to his surroundings.


	3. Awakening

**AN: This chapter is about Shepard. I didn't plan to go into details this much, but they just pretty much added themselves here and there. Now that all of this is out of the way, I can finally start writing the part when they actually meet.**

* * *

At first, there was nothing. No space, no time, no life.  
Then, at a certain point, _something_ came to exist.

Her consciousness, if it could even be called that, was weak. She was barely aware of her own self. Sometimes, she felt an itch or a feeling of numbness from her body, but it also felt as if there was nothing there; at least when she tried to reach out with her mind, she found nothing.  
This whole sensation reminded her watching the surface of water; ripples appear out of seemingly nowhere, grow, and disappear. She remembered doing this a lot when she was a kid, poking inside fountains wherever her parents had been stationed. She could stare at the water for a long time without getting bored. This time, however, everything was dark, the surface of the liquid endless, with a pale light coming from deep down under.

She had no idea how much time passed by. She kept watching the ripples appear and disappear for seemingly an eternity. Suddenly, she felt an unpleasant tremble running through her entire phantom body. In the next minute, she was suffocating. But how? She had no body…  
The ripples trembled on the surface, crashing into each other as everything started shaking uncontrollably. Shadows crept into the clean water like black blood, slowly taking shape.  
'Joker? Garrus?'  
She wanted to shout, but she had no voice. Still, she kept trying, and she struggled, long forgotten thoughts surfaced in her mind.  
"Jeff 'Joker' Moreau. Garrus Vakarian. Urdnot Wrex. Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. Liara T'soni. Doctor Karin Chakwas. Admiral David Anderson. Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams."  
She had no idea what was happening to her, but something changed. She had to remember them all.  
"My name is Neira Shepard, Commander of the SSV Normandy."

The darkness around her was shattered by the bright, blinding light, and behind that, sterile white walls. Was she in the Med bay? She heard voices. Dr. Chackwas? No, these voices didn't seem familiar. Her eyes slowly started getting used to the brightness.  
Unknown people. Not her crew. Possible threats. She desperately wanted to get out of this helpless situation, but was pushed back into oblivion before she could do or say anything.

Her mind refused to shut down this time. From that point on, she kept dreaming about people, places, and events. There was no coherent order to these 'visions', she was jumping though the fabric of her memories without guidance.

* * *

Her awakening was much more steady the second time. Shepard had no idea what woke her up. She felt dizzy and confused. Then she heard her name, again and again. Making her body cooperate with her mind wasn't an easy job, but she managed somehow.  
She had no idea about what was happening to her, but she figured it wasn't the best time to find out. For the time being she decided to follow the lead of her mysterious contact.  
The feeling of a gun in her hand, the noises of enemy approaching, running from cover to cover, aiming, shooting, reloading… These movements all felt nostalgic. Her body reacted subconsciously to stimuli from her surroundings and after a few minutes of 'warming up', she pretty much regained control over herself.

As if her current situation wasn't bad enough, soon she had to deal with two new self-appointed teammates between shooting a mech or two. All she wished for now was 5 minutes of calm when she could threw one of these guys against the wall with a gun pointed at their skull. Then she could finally ask her questions and find out what the hell was going on.  
Her guts kept telling her that something was off with the whole setup. One of them was lying, but it wasn't the right place or time to deal with it. Shepard's plans, however, were spoiled when a new player entered the scene and splattered Wilson's brain on the floor.

"There goes your intel."  
It's not like she felt sorry for the guy, in fact, she would have done the same _after_ asking him the questions.  
"Too risky. I've put too much time and effort into this project; I won't let anyone fuck it up now."  
Miranda Lawson was with her priorities sorted out pretty clean, that much was obvious.  
"So what do we do now?"  
"Leave. Take the shuttle and go. There's someone who'd very much like to talk to you, Shepard."  
"There are a few people whom _I _would pretty much like to talk now…"  
It was too soon for her to try to judge the characters of her new acquaintances, but for the moment, going with the flow seemed the right decision.

* * *

Talking to the Illusive Man only gave her more reason for a headache. The guy was clearly dangerous, but he had more than a few valid points. Shepard knew she didn't have many options open at the moment.  
After their first talk, she had some time to think about the whole situation and her place in it. Meeting with Tali at the abandoned colony was a much needed wakeup call. Shepard had to realize that 2 years had _passed_ and not just _flew by_. She couldn't just get up and continue things where she left off; she had no crew, no ship, no position, no life.

After their second talk, Sheaprd was left with two options.  
Option A was to subdue the crew and head back to Citadel space, reporting back for duty. Knowing the bureaucrats, she would be grounded and taken in for questioning instantly. Then, after going through an endless amount of paperwork and formalities, they might or might not agree to put her back on the job. Thanks to her new 'friends', she was well aware how quick the Council was in sweeping the facts about the reapers under the rug.  
Option B seemed a lot more effective. Cerberus wanted to use her, but in turn she would also get to use them; their influence and their considerable amount of resources. She was long past the 'I am a human, I fight for the Alliance' crap. She was fighting for the galaxy, and if that meant slapping a Cerberus insignia on her armor, then so be it.

Meeting Joker was easily the best thing since her 'awakening'. She preferred to refer it in her head as such, instead of 'resurrection'. That one sounded wrong on too many levels…  
Seeing that Joker was alive and –almost- kicking was more than reassuring for Shepard. She wouldn't admit it, but having him around helped a lot in accepting things as reality. When the Illusive Man suggested building a team, Shepard was surprised that none of her old squad members were available.

_"What about Vakarian? Too busy chasing after his own cases now?" Shepard suppressed a grin as she imagined him flying around the galaxy, commanding his own crew.  
"The turian disappeared after a few months after you've been declared dead. Even we haven't been able to locate him."  
"What? MIA?"  
"No. He quit C-Sec, and from that point on we have no intel on him."  
"What about spectre training?"  
"The Council denied his application."  
"Figures… bastards. What about Wrex?"  
"He returned to Tuchanka and hasn't gone off-world in over a year. He's trying to unite the krogan clans."  
Shepard was silent for a moment. From this point on, she kept her thoughts to herself. She didn't trust the Illusive Man. The less personal info he had on her, the better.  
"Dr. T'Soni?"  
"She's on Ilium. My sources say she's working for the Shadow Broker. If so, she can't be trusted."  
"Tali'Zorah? She helped us on Freedom's Progress."  
"That was unexpected. I'll need more intel before I commit to that."  
"Alenko?"  
"Still with the Alliance. Promoted, I believe."  
"Good to know. I'll just start from scratch then…"  
"Well, that won't be necessary."_

* * *

She was just standing in the hangar, staring at the ship with a blank expression. The Normandy SR-2. How creative… It was all fancy and shiny, but still, it wasn't the real thing. She felt like a pouting child, which she honestly thought uncharacteristic of herself. She was a grown woman, a soldier, and she needed a ship. Not _the_ ship, _a_ ship. Period.  
However, Joker seemed perfectly happy about the situation and seeing him like that made Shepard ease up a little. It must have been hard for him, being grounded for months. She recalled the talks they had on the original Normandy. Although the man preferred to keep his personal issues to himself, he answered all of the Commander's questions honestly. With time, they earned each other's mutual respects during the hardships they had been through together. Now there they were, part of the same crew again, on a mission that was bound to turn into a catastrophe at any given point.

After watching the SR-2 on display, she was soon allowed to board the ship. _Her ship_, she had to remind herself. Lawson and Taylor kept following her around like well-trained hounds, always at her heel. Joker took his position at the helm of the ship and Shepard readied herself for the tour. Everything was clean and neat, almost sterile, like a lab. She shook her head, trying to get herself focused on the task at hand.

Getting to know her new ship was more complicated than she thought. First, there was EDI. The presence of the AI didn't bother her much. After shutting down some of Cerberus' operations a few years back, she doubted that they could truly surprise her anymore. Besides, she was a full-fledged soldier, her knowledge of tech stuff was limited to the basics and the little extras she managed to pick up from Tali and Garrus back in the day. On the other hand, she felt a little sorry for Joker. The helmsman preferred to do his job as he saw fit, and after Shepard experienced his skills first hand, she decided to give him plenty of rope on the old Normandy. Now, however, he would have to deal with the uncalled assistance of an AI… Talking to Joker never was boring, but the Commander had the insight that thanks to EDI'S presence, more 'hilarity' would follow.

* * *

After the Commander ordered to set the course for Omega, she continued exploring the ship, meeting her new crew. Everyone was friendly and respectful with her, some even looking at her in awe with eyes of a 6-year-old kid. It all felt strange. Cerberus was considered a terrorist organization, operating at shady territories, if not outright illegal. Still, these people seemed nice, even cheerful, all in all pretty much ordinary. When asked, they all said that Cerberus was the only one doing the right thing; therefore they had no hard feelings toward them. They even managed to get Dr. Chakwas to join them, which was another reassurance for Shepard.  
_Well played, Illusive Man…_

When she dealt with all the formalities, Shepard retreated to her cabin. Out of all the changes Cerberus made to the Normandy, this seemed to be the most extravagant as it served little purpose. As long as she got a cot to sleep at and a bathroom to clean herself up, she was content. Well, privacy was much appreciated, but she couldn't see the point behind all the luxury. They even built in fish tanks for her… Whoever made this addition, they clearly possessed no idea about what they were doing, as Neira Shepard had absolutely no talent at keeping pets, plants or whatsoever alive. She sighed as she sank down into the chair next to her personal desk.

"What the hell is that?" She almost jumped as she scanned the items scattered around the flat of her desk.  
"Could you specify what you were referring to, Shepard?", chimed the synthetic voice of EDI.  
"Alenko's picture on my desk. In frame, to add." She was absolutely shocked. What kind of stupid prank was this supposed to be?  
"Officer Lawson placed it there. I have no information about her motive, though. Should I inform her that it was unnecessary?"  
"Thanks EDI, but I'll her that myself."  
"Is there anything you need, Shepard?"  
"Are you installed on every part of the ship?"  
"There is a block preventing me from answering that question."  
"I guess that means 'yes'."  
"Sorry, Shepard, there is a block…"  
"I get it, EDI. That'll be all."  
"Logging you out."  
For a minute, Shepard sat in silence, thinking. Then she reached over and grabbed the digital frame, set the switch to 'Off' position and threw the whole thing inside an empty drawer, then smacked it shut. She took a mental note of warning Miranda Lawson about keeping her nose out of her personal matters. But first, there was something else she needed to do.

"EDI?"  
"Yes, Shepard?"  
"Could you patch me through to the whole crew?"  
"Certainly. Done."  
"Attention, crew. This is Commander Shepard speaking. Before we start our mission, there are a few important things I would like to point out. As you know, at this moment the Normandy SR-2 has an all-human crew. However, this will soon change. I suggest you start accommodating to the thought. Many lives depend on our success, and I for one, do not accept the option of failing. For that reason, I need the best team available, regardless of race, personal history or beliefs.  
There are two things I expect from my crew, be it humans or aliens; do the best you can, and have your heart set on completing the mission. This, you can also expect from me in return. This will be a tough fight. Our enemies are ruthless and cunning, and if we want a chance at fighting back, we will have to stay sharp and be ready to strike at any given time.  
Also, I want you to check and study your assigned area of the ship thoroughly. If you have any suggestions for improvements, no matter how small or seemingly meaningless they are, notify me.  
Soon we will arrive at Omega. If anyone thinks they won't be able to work under my command, they're free to leave. However, the moment I set foot on this ship again, the mission starts for real. I only want the ones capable of following _my_ orders aboard. I hope we are clear. The decision is yours." She paused for a second, pondering if there was anything else she wanted to say."That will be all, EDI. You can log me out."  
"Understood."

She spent the next few minutes exploring the rest of her new personal space. After getting familiar with the environment, she decided to suit up into her new armor. When Lawson asked her if she wanted the standard N7 uniform or a custom-made one, she chose the latter. The main suit was a darker shade of gray, decorated with a vivid green color, and some white as contrast.  
The reason behind her choice was simple. Right now she wasn't working under alliance command, neither was she truly obeying Cerberus orders. For practical purposes, she kept her title as 'commander', but considering her status, it was unlikely that she still officially possessed it.

* * *

As she walked deeper and deeper into Omega, the scowl on her face became more prominent. The place was worse than she thought, and they were just about to recruit two people from here. Well, things were bound to get interesting, at least. On the bright side, being on a station without an official hierarchy made things easier for someone with guns and determination…  
When the trembling salarian appeared before her, she was aware that things had already sprung into motion. She listened to him rambling, but before she could send him out of her way, a batarian appeared, playing the tough guy. She would have loved to send him flying with a bullet between all those eyes. However, this was unknown territory, so she decided to lay low for the time being, and agreed upon meeting Aria. If she played her cards right, she could gain valuable information without having to give anything in return.

Afterlife seemed like a miniature Omega, trying to appear flashy but rotten to the core. This didn't bother Shepard much though. Places like that were useful for their own reasons. Lawson's disgusted expression, however, truly entertained her. The Cerberus officer was in for a surprise if her refined tastes couldn't even stomach this much.  
Aria was nothing more and nothing less than what Shepard imagined. The asari pulled the usual tricks while trying to verbally ensure her dominance. Shepard kept to neutral ground, deeming the possibility of a pissing contest utterly useless. However, she also kept a safe distance, as trying to play friends would have been even more foolish, as neither of them trusted the other. She listened to Aria giving her little 'I am Omega' speech, then made it clear that she had no interest in messing around her business, as long as it didn't involve Archangel and Solus.

Miranda and Jacob stood further behind as the other two talked, and thanks to the loud music, were left completely out of the discussion. When Shepard finally stood up from the couch, the relief on Lawson's face was evident.  
"So, Shepard, as I said, our priority should be getting Professor Solus…"  
"Negative. We go to Archangel first."  
"What? Why?"  
"Because I said so."  
Her tone made it clear that the discussion was closed. After a few quick steps, Shepard stopped right in front of a storage room.  
"Is this the place to go after Archangel?"  
The guard turned towards her, sizing her up lazily from head to toe. After a moment of silence, he tilted his head towards the door in the back. The team passed him in silence, with Shepard keeping an uninterested, cold expression on her face. It came naturally.


	4. Salvation

**AN: I kept some of the original dialogue, but I also replaced and added some to fit the way I imagined things. I'm pretty sure all of you who romanced Garrus thought that they should've made things more personal in ME2. At least I did, so I'm planning to remedy that.  
I've been also wondering if the majority of people kept the default FemShep, or created their own.** **I've seen both versions around, so I hope having a custom-made Shepard doesn't scare the others off.**

* * *

"You work too hard…"  
Shepard's sultry voice faded as the buzzing sound of the electric device filled the air, mixed with the screams of LT Catchka. As she walked by, a cocky half-sided grin appeared on the Commander's face.  
"Back in business."  
Taylor and Lawson exchanged anxious gazes between her back, but they didn't have time to say anything as Shepard was strutting in front of them with long, confident steps.  
She knew this was going to be a hell of a fight and she was more than excited to participate. Her mind was full with all the things she had to process since her awakening, and on top of all those, there were her personal feelings.  
She pulled out her assault rifle. The touch and weight of the familiar weapon instantly kicked her instincts into motion and in the next moment she could already feel the pleasant tingling of adrenaline surging through her body. She jumped through the ramp that served as cover for the troops heading to the bridge. After she sprinted to the nearest cover, she looked at her side only to see another freelancer's brain being turned into mush by a clean headshot. Then she looked behind, checking for her squad. Lawson and Taylor were both in position behind cover, and it was obvious that they didn't enjoy this as much as the Commander.  
"This guy is a real shot, so play safe." This was her only advice to her new squad. She knew it was cheap, but didn't really care at the moment.

Shepard didn't want to stay in cover for too long. She has been counting the shots even before she jumped in, trying to figure out the thermal clip capacity of the sniper. She was pretty sure that an expert like that wasn't running around with a standard gun. When she figured it was time for reload, she jumped out and instead of heading for the next available cover, she sprinted towards the end of the bridge. With her assault rifle pulled up to her shoulder, she started picking out the mercs one by one while running.  
When she rose from behind the box, she felt a shot grazing her shield near her shoulder, but it didn't do any real damage. She was certain she could reach the building without much trouble. She was moving at a great speed, and thanks to fighting alongside Garrus before, she knew well that even the best snipers had some trouble with moving targets.  
While Shepard charged right in, her new squad followed behind with much less confidence, choosing to use all the covers available on the short trip. When they reached to ground floor, Shepard was already restocking on thermal clips from the dead bodies of the mercs.  
"Ready?"  
Her question was rhetorical as she didn't even wait for an answer before she turned towards the stairs, this time dictating a less demanding pace for the other two. After getting rid of the last merc upstairs with a clean pistol shot, she touched the control panel. She found it odd that she could open it with the exact method she learned from Garrus, without having to add any major or even minor changes. However, she didn't give it much thought as she was no expert on the matter.

The door opened with a hiss and Shepard's merry little team marched in with lowered weapons.  
"Archangel?"  
Her heart missed a beat as she gazed at the mysterious figure. Without a doubt, he was a turian, that much was certainly true of the rumors. His armor, however… Black and blue. Even his stance reminded her of _him_ as he trailed the scope on his next target .He signaled her to wait and took care of the last merc peeking out of cover.  
As he set his rifle aside and reached for his helmet, Shepard stood there abashed, feeling an unnerving warmth pool up inside her stomach and spread through her whole body. For these few seconds she even forgot to breath, she just stood there staring at 'Archangel' with pupils dilated, breath caught in her throat. These mere moments felt like an eternity, but when his face was finally revealed, for a first time in a very-very long time, the Commander felt that fainting was an actual threat.

"Garrus? What are you doing here?"  
Even though this was what she secretly hoped for ever since she spotted his trademark colors, she was still afraid that her mind was playing cruel tricks on her. She took a step forward, her arms about to flew open, but in the last second she stopped. She just kept gazing at him with disbelief. Was she dreaming?  
"Shepard."  
His voice… She could recognize that voice anywhere. Before she could say anything, however, the next thing she knew she was falling, or rather flying towards him. She felt his strong grip clutching her arm as he pulled her towards him with a forceful tug. Soon their armor collided and she was locked in his tight embrace.

* * *

The last few weeks felt as if hell itself descended upon him. Losing his whole team in a blink of an eye pushed him to an edge. When Sidonis didn't show up at the rendezvous point, Garrus new something went wrong. In their line of work, things like that were bound to happen. Still, he couldn't shake down the feeling of uneasiness as he headed for the team's base of operation. He was always careful not to be followed, but this time he took extra measures, just in case.  
He was worried. He had no idea what happened to his teammate, but organizing a small, discreet search party seemed like the best option. Garrus reached the base still deep in thought, considering all possibilities his mind could come up with. He typed the code into to control panel and impatiently kept tapping his chin until the door opened. He entered without looking up, still stuck in his train of thought.  
"Guys? Anyone here?"  
That was the moment when the smell hit him. His head jerked up and his eyes frantically darted through the room. His breath hitched and his mandibles flew open in shock. The sight rooted him in place is his mind struggled to take in the scene before him.  
The floor and the walls were painted in different colors, but even in the dim light he could easily tell it was all blood. Garrus tried to swallow, but his throat and mouth was dry. Finally, the rational part of his mind started working, and he unclasped his rifle from his back.  
He searched the building, still in shock, but found nothing else other than the lifeless bodies of his comrades. There were no survivors.

A few hours later, Garrus was sitting on a perch in scarcely populated area of Omega, leaning onto his rifle as he stared ahead with empty eyes.  
Why did all this happen? Why did everything that he touched turn into ashes? He didn't ask for fame or happiness. He was content the way things were… He had long given up on his old dreams. They died with _her_…  
But he struggled and survived. He started a new life, and even though the feeling of emptiness never completely disappeared; things were fine the way they were. Out here, he was making a difference. His team… he thought he had saved them, given them new hope, something to fight for. Now he realized that in truth, he didn't save anyone. People who meant something to him died, and again, he wasn't there to help them.

It didn't take long for him to find out about Sidonis. In that moment, he felt nothing but emptiness. From that point on, Garrus was even more convinced that everything was his fault. He should have been able to see through him… If he did, none of this would have happened. For him, however, it was too late to bury himself in regrets. There was only one thing left; finishing the job.

* * *

He spotted movement inside his scope. He took a deep breath and waited patiently; there was no reason to rush. He exhaled, and with a swift pull of his finger, the rifle fired the shot right through the merc's left eye-socket. Garrus gave himself a mental pat on the shoulders for the precise shot.  
He had no idea how long he had been holed up in his 'haven'. The mercs just kept pouring in like there was no end to them. At the start, picking them off one-by-one was quite entertaining, but lately his body had been showing more and more signs of exhaustion. Being stuck there for so long gave him lots of time to think. It was ironic that he just realized how he failed to see the meaning behind his father's words.

In his younger days, Garrus had always thought that the teachings of his father were never meant to be more than the usual prep talk. Now, thinking back to those times, he finally realized the real meaning. He reached for his omnitool, his finger hovering over the panel for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. He gritted his teeth as he finally pushed in the commands and waited.  
"Dad?"  
For a few seconds, there was silence.  
"Garrus?"  
The tone of his father was measured, as always, but Garrus couldn't help but notice the hint of curiosity, and even behind that, something else. Worry, maybe?  
"I think I owe you an apology."  
"Just one?"  
Even though his words were strict, his tone loosened, and Garrus allowed himself a small, muffled laugh at his reaction.  
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves."  
They both went silent again. Garrus took up his rifle, aiming at a merc peeking out of cover, taking care of him in one shot.  
"Where are you now?"  
"Driven into a corner, I guess. The guys around here don't like me very much."  
"Must be that stubborn nature of yours…"  
This time, Garrus took out two more mercs, before answering.  
"Look, Dad. I know I was a stupid kid…"  
"You still are."  
"I just want you to know that you were right."  
"This is leading nowhere. Finish up your target practice, and we will talk about this when you get home."  
Again, there was silence. When Garrus spoke next, it sounded like he was talking to no one in particular, but himself.  
"It can't be…"  
"Garrus?"  
"Sorry, Dad. I think our talk will have to wait. My chances just got a lot better. I'll call you later."  
Without waiting for an answer, Garrus cut the communication off.

_Impossible. How could this be true? Am I hallucinating?  
_Among all the mercenaries trying to pass the bridge, his scope was trailed on only one person. He didn't care about things like 'her blonde hair' or 'her green eyes'. As far as Garrus was concerned, any human female could have had those features. No, what mattered were the small things. Her cocky smile as she jumped into battle, the way she moved on the battlefield… Even though she was loaded with weapons and a heavy armor, Shepard always maintained a certain kind of confident grace in her movements. She never screamed or shouted at her enemies, but the way her eyes were blazing in the heat of battle… Ghost or not, this person was definitely Shepard.  
Garrus loaded a concussive shot into the rifle, aiming for her shoulders. He grinned under his helmet as the momentum of the shot jerked the woman's shoulder back. She didn't stop, didn't even care to slow down, but she raised her head, staring right at the face of her attacker, her gaze intent, and promising only one thing: _I'll tear you apart…  
_Seeing her face lit up like that made him feel _alive_, the first time in almost two years.

* * *

"I thought you were dead…"  
Hearing Garrus talk suddenly made her aware of the situation. She raised her head a little, looking up at his face, and at that moment, Neira Shepard felt something she was definitely not used to feeling: embarrassment.  
She was a military officer, 'commander', to be precise… What the hell was she doing, jumping at her squadmate slash friend like that? That was, however, only one reason. The other one was the look in Garrus' eyes as he stared at her.  
"I was", she said with uncertainty as she carefully peeled herself from his arms.  
"Care to elaborate?"  
"I don't think we have the time right now, but I'll tell you everything later. I promise."  
Garrus simply nodded. There was no distrust in his expression.  
"So… what are _you_ doing here?" It was Shepard's turn to ask the obvious.  
"Just keeping my skills sharp. A little target practice."  
Shepard raised an eyebrow and Garrus' mandibles opened to form a half-hearted grin.  
"You nailed me good a couple times, by the way…"  
"Concussive rounds only. No harm done. Didn't want the mercs getting suspicious."  
"Uh-huh…"  
When he heard Shepard's trademark sarcastic retort, his grin turned into a real one.  
"If I wanted to do more than take your shields down, I'd have done it."  
"You still think you could take me on? How naïve."  
"Besides, you were taking your sweet time. I needed to get you moving."  
"I see that the lack of proper command has made you quite full of yourself, Vakarian. Or would you rather have me call you 'Archangel' from now on?"  
Shepard crossed her arms as she took up her usual stance with her hip slightly tipped to the side. She was obviously teasing him, but it still had the desired effect. Now it was Garrus' turn to be embarrassed.  
"I…. uhh… the locals gave me the name for my… good deeds." He tried to hide his uneasiness with a cough. "It's not that I mind, but for you, it's just Garrus. Or Vakarian, when you're angry with me…"  
"All right, Garrus. How did you manage to get yourself into this situation?"  
"That's also a long story. Let's discuss it later."  
"Agreed."  
That was going to be a long talk, once they got out of this situation, considering that they had lots of catching up to do.

"I'm glad that you two found each other, but we have a serious problem to deal with, in case you forgot..."  
Naturally, it was Miranda, who couldn't hold her mouth shut any longer, but Shepard had to agree with her on this one. Getting all emotional was everything but professional, and it had never happened to her in the past.  
"Garrus, these are Miranda Lawson and Jacob Taylor. They're helping me out with the current situation. This here is Garrus Vakarian, a friend and a member of my previous team."  
A curt nod served as greeting from the tree of them. Even if Garrus had recognized their Cerberus insignia, he didn't say a word about it.  
"So what's the plan?" Jacob was as practical as ever. The Commander had a hunch that he really was a good and dependable soldier.  
"Going through the bridge right now would mean certain death. However, with the three of you here, we can hold out a little longer. We keep shooting, and after their numbers dropped, I suggest we go for it." Garrus' idea seemed reasonable. Shepard nodded, and added her own opinion.  
"Since the bands are planning to come in separately, this might be our best option. I have no interest in sneaking around anyway. Let's go kick some merc ass!"  
"Just like old times, Shepard."  
They were both in a festive mood, and the other two had no idea why. This was one of the worst possible situations, yet they were acting like it was nothing but a training session.

"Let's see what they're up to."  
Garrus raised his rifle and traced his scope all the way through the end of the bridge, then handed the gun to Shepard.  
"Scouts. Eclipse, I think." His voice was unruffled. He looked at the woman at his side, and suddenly felt assured that everything would turn out fine.  
"One less to worry about."  
Damn… he always had a habit of forgetting that Shepard was also a hell of a shot, since the Commander preferred to be in the heat of the battle, moving down enemies with her assault rifle. However, she was deadly with any weapon if needed.  
"I missed you."  
"Yeah… It seems you get into all sorts of trouble if I'm not around to keep your ass out of it."  
Then she turned and handed his rifle back to him. For a moment, she was surprised. She was counting on his usual grin, but instead Shepard could've sworn that he was smiling at her.

* * *

Taking out Eclipse was easy work. They just had to sit back and watch as their own heavy mech ripped them to shreds, and pick up those few who managed to get past.  
"Come on, Garrus! Don't tell me you're tired already… I'm leading 5:3."  
"If you want to be fair, you should count in the ones I've already dealt with…"  
"Well, truth is, I don't want to."  
"That's not really nice of you…"  
"Walking away from a challenge? What happened to you Garrus?"  
"Me? Never. You're on, Shepard."

They kept teasing each other until the rumbling alerted them to the opening of a new frontline. Shepard left Miranda in charge of protecting Garrus. At first, he objected, but his words were lost on the Commander. She took Jacob and headed towards the infiltration point.  
Dealing with Blood Pack was a tough job. The vorcha seemed pouring inside the gates in an infinite numbers, spiced with a krogan here and there. Dealing with them made her realize how much she missed Wrex in this fight.  
Shepard, Garrus, Wrex: 'Team Juggernaut', as the Normandy's crew dubbed them after a few missions. They went in, beat the shit out of everyone and returned to the ship like it was just a walk in the park, regardless of the situation. They had all ranges covered; Wrex in the front, Shepard in the middle and Garrus dealing with long-range and tech problems. Those were the good ol' days…

After finally being able to shut all three entrances, Shepard doubled her speed to get back to Garrus before the Blood Pack leader could get close to him. When she reached the first floor, Garm had already driven Garrus and Miranda into a corner. However, the battlemaster had little to no chance against all four of them. For a moment, the Commander considered adding 'dealing with berserk krogans' to her list of special skills after finishing him with the last shot.  
"He doesn't count. It was teamwork."  
Garrus trying to smooth the scales like that was nothing new. Shepard only reaction was a slight, questioning raise of her eyebrow, but for now she left it at that.

The noise of the gunship hit them out of the blue, and they both needed a long moment before they all frantically jumped behind cover.  
"Damn… I already took that cursed thing down."  
Garrus was definitely pissed. They were just an arm's length away from escaping the situation, and now Tarak and his filthy group shows up. Shepard was also gritting her teeth hard. She should've blown the whole fuckin' ship before entering the bridge. Once out in the open, they wouldn't have dared to pursue them with Archangel's scope looming over their head.  
"Just stay behind cover, you won't have a chance to take a clear shot at that thing now. We will peel away their defenses _slowly_."  
Shepard's voice was irritated and anxious. The situation was bad, really bad… The gunship disappeared from sight, and before they could regroup and change position, it appeared right in front of them.

"Garrus!" Shepard shouted, or more likely screamed as she saw his body jerk under the heavy impact of the shots. At this range, his shield couldn't hold out long…  
"Cover him!" Even though she was well aware that their weapons couldn't do much harm to the metal plating of the ship, she tried everything to get as much attention away from him as possible. She even thought about jumping out and dragging him to cover, but the part of her rational mind immediately started suppressing her panic. After seeing the rocket hit him, however, she decided to toss all the years of rigorous training away.  
"Take care of the small fry! The gunship is _mine_ and so is Tarak."  
The rest she kept to herself.  
_That fucker won't walk away from this. NO. I'm going to tear him to pieces and leave him all scattered around for his lackeys to collect into fucking garbage bags.  
_She furiously tore all her adjusted weapons off of her back until the grenade launcher was the only thing left. She loaded the damn thing, stood up behind cover and pointed it with expressionless face towards the ship, right in the face of that son-of-a-bitch. She felt a few shots graze her shields, but she didn't care. Adrenaline was rushing through her body, and for a few seconds her heightened senses made the whole world seem to be slowing down as she stood there, taking her time to aim her shot precisely where she wanted it to go…

The gunship faltered as the first grenade hit, then disappeared out of sight. Shepard only moved to load the next one, but aside that, she didn't move an inch. This was the perfect test for her new team. If they couldn't hold off a few mercs, they wouldn't be much use later either.  
When Tarak reemerged on the other side, Shepard only turned her upper body to face him. This time, however, the grenade was quickly sent on its way, right into a structural weak point. She could imagine as the merc leader was desperately trying to regain control over his gunship. If he looked out, he could've seen Shepard loading and aiming her last shot, but when he did, it was already too late.

* * *

"Garrus!"  
Shepard ditched the grenade launcher and jumped – or practically flew – through her cover to get to him. No answer. Around him, there was a huge puddle of dark blue blood oozing and growing with each second.  
She fell to her knees beside him, her momentum causing her to crash against the floor. She reached for his head, gently shifting it towards her, causing him to gasp for air, his piercing blue eyes flying open as he momentarily regained consciousness.  
"Garrus! Vakarian! Don't you dare go dying on me… That's an order!"  
She was vaguely aware how silly her words must have sounded, but she was never good with handling emotional things like that.  
She leaned close to him, her voice faint. This was only meant for him to hear.  
_"Stay with me, Garrus. Don't leave me here… Please…"_


	5. Growth

It was one of the longest nights in Shepard's life yet. When they finally reached the Med-Bay, Dr. Chakwas assured her that everything would be fine, and she repeated the same thing when she left the Med-Bay an hour later. During that hour, Shepard took a shower and changed into her civvies, but returned to the mess hall right after she was finished. After all the medical process was dealt with and the good doctor retired for the nighttime period, the Commander monopolized her chair and desk and made them for her new base of operation for the time being.  
First, she checked her personal account and browsed through all data regarding the mission. Now she had time to read through all of them carefully. From time to time, he glanced in Garrus's direction. The turian was fast asleep, and the reason was most likely a huge amount of sedatives. His face was turned sideways to accommodate for his fringe, with his injured side upwards, all covered up in bandages. His breathing was heavy and sometimes weird, unsettling sounds surfaced from his throats, but all in all his life signs were steady.

After she finished looking through all the documents, Shepard started browsing the extranet. Trying to catch up after being out for two years was a lengthy work. Whenever she grew tired of sitting, she stood up, stretched, and walked up to the operating table Garrus was lying on. For a moment, a gentle smile appeared on her lips as she watched the sleeping form of her friend. For her, it felt only like a few weeks since they last met, but now it was evident that he wasn't the same person anymore.  
Shepard reached out, carefully touching his fringe just to feel that it was all real; he was real. She left behind a kid and came back to find an adult in his place. It wasn't his age what Shepard was referring to… No, it was the amount of experience that came with those years. Seeing him in that hideout hit her just as hard as meeting Tali on Freedom's Progress; it made her realize that things have changed since she hasn't been around and they would never be the same again.  
She didn't feel disappointed, she felt proud. Tali always strived to be accepted by her people, and there she was now, getting assignments, leading her own team… She had grown too. It was different for Garrus, as it wasn't acknowledgement he was aiming for; it was the chance to be able to make his own decisions, to stand up for what he thought was right. Having seen the way he was handling things in that hideout at Omega, Shepard was amazed how much his attitude changed. Instead of waiting for orders, he was the one giving them and he kept things under control through the whole attack. In a sense, his whole presence changed. Even though she didn't have a chance to ask him to join the team, she was fairly sure he would. Well, at least that's what she hoped…

She only slept for small fractures of time, leaning back in the chair with her legs propped on the desk. She believed Chakwas's words that Garrus was in no danger, but she stayed there anyway. The reason was simple: she didn't want him to be all alone if he woke up during the night. Waking up and having no idea where you are or what happened; well, she could relate to that…  
When the doctor arrived in the 'morning', she found Shepard still sitting at the desk, browsing the extranet like nothing happened.  
"Commander, wouldn't it have been wiser for you to at least take one of the beds here?"  
"Thanks for your concern, Doc, but I'm fine. I didn't stay here to sleep anyway."  
Shepard stood up and reorganized the things on the desk. For a night spent without sleep, she certainly looked well and collected. 'Soldiers and their bravado', Chakwas thought as she sighed in resignation.  
"I hope you're not planning on heading out there right away..."  
"You know me, Doctor. That's exactly what I'm going to do. I need to get Professor Solus on board. The sooner he starts working on countering the collectors, the better."  
"At least get a few hours of sleep."  
"No need. I'll just take a pill and everything will be fine."  
Chakwas was well aware that the Commander could handle one night of losing sleep without trouble, but still, as a doctor, she didn't like to sit by and watch as people pushed themselves to the limits.  
"If Garrus wakes up while I'm away, get Yeoman Chambers to give him the tour. We both know he won't be staying still for long."  
"Understood. Is there anything else, Commander."  
"No. Thanks for your work, Doctor."  
Before she left the room, she stopped at the built-in communication panel.  
"EDI, tell Lawson and Taylor to meet me at the comm room in 15 minutes. We are heading out right after, so tell them to suit up."  
"Right away, Shepard."  
"Thanks."

* * *

First she took the elevator to her cabin and washed up in her bathroom. She didn't even bother about hoping that the mission would go smoothly. That just wasn't her luck. She tossed her civvies to the bed as she changed into her undersuit and donned her armor.

Miranda and Jacob were already there, waiting for her, with Omega's map pulled onto the screen.  
"So, what do we know?", Shepard asked casually, fully aware that Lawson was just the type who did her homework well.  
"The Professor's clinic is in this area, but the whole district is closed down because of the outbreak."  
"A few guards won't be a problem. What do we know about the plague?"  
"At first, only turians were affected. Now it has spread to most alien races. Humans, however, are still unaffected, so it shouldn't be a problem for us. We just go in, get Solus, and leave this place."  
"Don't count on that. It's _never_ that easy…"  
Shepard took a last glance at the maps before shutting down the projector.  
"All right, let's go."  
Miranda was already out of the door and Jacob was just about to leave when Garrus entered, still in his undersuit and half of his face still bandaged up. Obviously, he came there right from the Med-Bay when he woke up.  
"Shepard."  
"Garrus. I had the feeling Chakwas couldn't hold you still for long." The smile on her face was all-knowing, like she just said 'See? I told ya'.  
"Tough son of a bitch. Didn't think he'd be up yet…" There was both amazement and respect in Jacob's tone as he looked at Garrus.  
"Give me a sec, I'll meet you at the airlock."  
Jacob nodded and left, leaving the two of them alone.

* * *

"Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad it is?"  
"Hell Garrus, you were always ugly. Just slap some face-paint on and no one will even notice." She took a few steps forward, closing in the distance between them. Even though she was more than happy to see him up and alive, Shepard reminded herself to stay 'professional', so she crossed her arms and looked up at him with a smile.  
"Don't make laugh, damn it. My face is barely holding together as it is. Besides, some women find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of these women are krogan…"  
Shepard just laughed and shook her head.  
"If you just wanted to talk to me about your injured _ego, _then it's not the best time, Garrus. I still need to pick up Mordin Solus."  
"The salarian? I know where you can find him. I can help you get there."  
"No, you're staying here."  
"Come on, Shepard, I'm fine."  
For a moment, it felt like the old days, Shepard playing her part as the strict Commander and Garrus being his younger self, aching to finally get into some trouble.  
"There is the plague, and you're a turian. Do the math."  
"If you think a cough can keep me from…"  
"That's enough, Garrus. For the moment, I'm thankful that you're even alive. So you will sit your ass down and wait for me here, on this ship." Shepard's tone was surprisingly harsh. Her voice wasn't simply commanding, it was full of emotions, but with so many of them mixed in there, it was hard to tell which ones. "Yeoman Chambers will give you the tour. Get familiar with the ship and choose yourself a spot where you can keep yourself busy, or at least act like you were actually doing something."  
"Ouch…"  
"Are we clear?"  
"Clear." Garrus raised his right hand, and for a moment, it looked like he was contemplating something, but in the end, he just let it fall back to his side. "Take care out there, Shepard."  
"You know I always do." Her laugh was quiet and to avoid looking him in the eyes, she kept staring at his chest instead.  
"That's exactly why I'm concerned… Go, Shepard. Your squad is waiting."  
She nodded, and headed for the door.  
"Get yourself comfortable. When I get back, there will be a dozen things we need to talk about."  
She left the room without waiting for an answer.

* * *

Shepard wasn't even surprised when things started to go downhill. At the gates, she had to pull the 'I'm Commander fuckin' Shepard' act to threaten the guard into letting them in. After fighting through mercs, looters and vorcha, they finally reached the salarian only to find out that he also was in dire need of help. Shepard just sighed and told him to spit the details.

Vorcha; the rats of Omega's plague. They were pretty easy to kill, but their advantage was in their numbers; two more replaced each one that fell. They were practically everywhere; jumping out from sewers, garbage and dark corners with their annoying screams, popping up at catwalks with heavy weapons just to annoy the Commander even more.  
Getting rid of them took a serious amount of time, but eventually Mordin's cure was injected into the system, and the hardest part was over. Besides, saving the professor's assistant earlier also added bonus points to the results. If all of this wasn't enough, she had no idea what else he could need.  
Luckily, in spite of all his yakking, Mordin Solus was ready to part with his clinic and leave with the team. On the Normandy, he was briefly introduced to the crew and led immediately to the lab.

"So, Professor, will this equipment suffice? If you need anything, feel free to tell EDI or me."  
Shepard kept pacing up and down around the room, her gaze traveling through all the strange equipment. She hasn't been in the lab before, since without the presence of a scientist, EDI decided to lock the place down.  
"Just Mordin", he smiled. "Need some time to fully assess the facilities provided. Will report all necessary details later."  
He kept browsing through the equipment with fast but steady movements, murmuring things to himself.  
"Don't you want to see the rest of the ship?"  
"No. Other departments are out of my area of expertise. Meddling around is unnecessary."  
"All right, Mordin. The Med-Bay is just one deck below, and our medic is Dr. Chakwas. Just in case you wanted to pay a visit."  
"Might do that later."  
Realizing that there was absolutely no need for her presence, Shepard nodded and left. In the elevator, she asked EDI about Garrus's location and decided to pay him a visit after taking a shower.

* * *

"So, I see you found a replacement for the Mako…"  
As Shepard entered the main battery, she found Garrus leaning over the interface of the control panel. At the sound of the doors hissing open, he turned around. He was wearing his armor now, but the bandages still covered the injured side of his face.  
"Ah, yes. I went down to the cargo bay to check on her, you know, for old times' sake, but she was nowhere to be found."  
"Yes, Cerberus slipped on that detail." Shepard walked inside and leaned against the railing with arms crossed.  
"A pity."  
"Maybe they heard about your off-road excursions and decided that constant fixing and upgrades weren't worth their credits…"  
"Well, it wasn't _me _who crashed her in the first place…"  
"That happened only because your navigational skills suck, Garrus."  
"That's why I told you I'd drive, but no, you just had to go ahead and do it yourself…"  
His voice was deep and had an almost growling undertone, but Shepard was at a loss at interpreting turian vocal messages. As far as she knew, their voice was a lot more colorful than humans, thus carrying more meaning and resulting in a more refined communication. That was all, however, what Garrus told her back in the days, nothing more.  
"Well, I hope you can find something else to tinker with while we're not out there, getting shot at, fighting for the galaxy… you know, the usual."  
Shepard's casual comment managed to direct the conversation back into its original flow, as Garrus's stance lightened and he gave out a small laugh.  
"Yeah. I've been calibrating the firing algorithms for the guns. They needed some polishing up."  
He paused for a moment, thinking about carefully how to phrase what he wanted to say.  
"I thought I've seen every weapon in the galaxy in our fight against Saren. Mercenary work showed me otherwise, and now Cerberus rebuilds the Normandy with a few upgrades to boot. I wish we'd joined up with them sooner."  
Well, there it was… The whole Cerberus thing hovered over their heads like a little black cloud, and deep down inside, Shepard was afraid of how Garrus would react.  
"Well, we didn't exactly 'join up'… or let's just say it's temporary…ugh." She buried her face inside her palm and took a deep breath. "Damn. It's complicated."  
"Relax, Shepard. I'm not judging you. Hell, I wouldn't even have the right to do that, not after I got my own squad killed…"  
For a few seconds, there was silence as they both eyed the floor.  
"So… I guess we reached the 'catching up' part", Shepard sighed. "I think standing around here won't solve any problems, so meet me at my cabin when you're finished with your…umm… algorithms. It's on the 'top' floor, you know, flashy upgrades and stuff…"  
They both looked up and their eyes met for a moment.  
"All right, I'll be up soon."  
He moved a little so the Commander wouldn't have to sidestep him on her way out.  
"And Shepard… I know you're tired, but just don't fall asleep on me. I really need to know what happened to you."  
She glanced back behind her shoulder, and with sad smile, she answered: 'Same here'.


	6. Bonds

As Garrus stepped in the elevator, he tried to reach a conclusion over the things that kept his mind racing all day. Shepard was alive, that much was evident. However, the feelings that this one fact managed to stir up in him were all but simple.

When he saw her on Omega, the first thing he felt was joy. She was alive, and he just didn't care how, or why, as long as it was really her. He didn't exactly have time to sit around and assess the situation, so he accepted it without question. Fighting alongside her again was more than enough confirmation that it was no one else but the real Shepard. At that time, knowing that much was enough.  
When she left him on the ship that day, it was his first chance to sit back, relax, and think things through. Questions arose in his mind one after the other, and the fact that she wasn't there to answer them was frustrating. How was he supposed to settle things with himself without even knowing what happened? How was he supposed to know if he should've been happy or angry? He even went as far to ask Chakwas and Joker about it, but they both said that he had to hear everything from her. It was expected from the doctor, but even Joker?  
After all this, he finally managed to convince himself that waiting was the best thing he could do. Shepard had already earned his trust and he respected her more than anyone; if he doubted her now it would feel like betrayal. He just had to trust her to have an answer, _the_ answer, as she always did.

* * *

Even though the elevator ride felt like minutes, he couldn't come up with the right solution for his problem. He wanted to be understanding, open-minded, and definitely not biased, but he just had no idea how to actually _do_ it. For better or worse, Garrus decided to go with the flow and see where that would get them.

As the door of the cabin opened, he found Shepard almost in front of him, only a few steps forward, staring at the empty fishtanks. She slightly turned her head to face him.  
"I still can't understand why anyone would put these here."  
"Well… Maybe they thought that keeping a full crew alive wasn't enough of a challenge for you."  
Garrus tried his best to sound nonchalant as he walked up to her, also turning towards the tanks in question.  
"With my luck, the new crew will require even more attention", she sighed. "I thought about giving it a try, but I'm pretty certain I'd just end up killing them…"  
Shepard glanced at Garrus, and when she read his teasing expression, her words immediately started sinking in.  
"Ah… I meant the fishes, of course."  
Garrus's mandibles opened to form a grin, getting a discreet laugh from Shepard as a result.  
"I think you might have had a point there. Right now, I can tell you that there is at least one crew member in desperate need of that attention."  
He didn't want to push things, but he knew Shepard wasn't the evasive type either. As far as he could tell she just had the same trouble: not knowing where to start, or more precisely; how.  
"You're right Garrus. I guess it's my turn first, huh?"  
He looked at her for a second, then nodded and took a seat on the couch.  
"All right. But first, I have to say that whenever you're here, just make yourself at home. The fridge is over there."  
"Noted."

Shepard took a seat next to him on the couch, though she still kept a small amount of distance between them.  
"So, I guess you've heard that the Normandy was attacked."  
He nodded, but didn't interrupt.  
"It seemed like they came out of nowhere. In one moment, I'm just sitting there, checking my mail, cursing the Council for their stupidity and in the next one everything starts shaking and the ship is swallowed up by flames. Those who were lucky enough to survive the first strike ran straight to the escape pods. It was evident that we had no chance there. Alenko told me that Joker was still at the helm, so I went to get him…"  
"Wait, Kaidan was there?"  
For a second, Shepard was taken aback by how the words suddenly burst out from Garrus.  
"Of course he was, he was an official crew member."  
After saying that, she paused and looked at Garrus. She was still trying to figure out his reaction.  
"Then why did he leave you?"  
The truth was that when he heard that the Normandy had been attacked, he kept wishing he was there so he could help Shepard, or even save her.  
"Because I _ordered_ him to get the hell out of there, just like I'd have ordered _you_ or anyone else for that matter…"  
He was silent for a moment. He had to realize that his older self back then would have complied, just like everybody else. He wouldn't have liked it, but if she ordered him, he would have done it nonetheless. However, he was a different person now…  
"All right", he answered eventually.

"So, I went to get Joker, but we walked right into the second attack and I couldn't make it. My suit was ruptured by some debris. I floated out to space, burnt through the atmosphere and crashed somewhere on the planet. I don't remember that last part though. I was already dead."  
Garrus dreaded those last words, but eventually, they were out in the open. He felt a lump growing in his throat and tried to swallow.  
Shepard, however, seemed unaffected. Either she learned to live with it in these past few days, or she was just putting on her 'Commander' act. His bet was on the latter.  
"At some point Cerberus found my body and they started rebuilding. I've been told that they put a shitload of money and resources into the project. I'm pretty much a walking pile of credits right now."  
Garrus listened carefully, trying to understand all that happened.  
"But how could they pull that? And why?"  
It's not like he wasn't happy with the result, but bringing back people from the dead was definitely uncharted territory.  
"Well, mostly with lots of patience and cutting-edge technology. They beefed up the worst parts with cybernetics, and I guess they just built up the rest step by step", she shrugged.  
"Spirits, Shepard… "  
Garrus sighed as he tried to keep himself from imagining the process. As he stared at her form, in the dim light, something caught his eyes. He reached out with a hand towards her face, turning it slightly so he could get a better view.  
"They didn't have time to complete the project, so I'm still 'unfinished'… You know, people trying to kill me, sabotaging things… usual stuff."  
She instantly realized what caught his eyes when he reached for her face. The scars there emitted a faint glow but it was only noticeable in dark. Otherwise, they just seemed like normal wounds.  
"Well, whatever they did, I'm glad they succeeded.  
Garrus pulled his hand back, but his gaze still lingered. Shepard, on the other hand, had no idea how to react to his comment. To begin with, she didn't even know if he was serious or just trying to lighten up the mood. His voice, however, seemed pretty straightforward, making Shepard feel embarrassed again. It felt strange, being this intimate with him. They were close before, but not this kind of close. She had no idea how or when they got to point 'B' from point 'A'. This was never a problem before…

"So, I guess that's my part of the story", she said, shifting a little in her seat. "Look, Garrus, I didn't want you to think that I ran away, or gave up, or whatever…"  
"Shepard, those thoughts didn't even occur to me, well, at least not until you left me standing here with too much free time and not nearly enough answers… "  
"Yeah… Sorry about that… Our schedule is a bit tight right now. Anyway, I guess it's time for you to tell me the story of Archangel…"  
Finally, she was smiling again. Their talk went better than she expected, at least up to this point. Still, she was curious to find out how Garrus became a vigilante of all things.

Garrus gave a quiet humming sound as he shifted in his seat. He was lost in thought for a moment, trying to figure out where to start.  
"When you… hm… died, the Council used it as an opportunity to strengthen their position. The Reaper threat was always 'elusive', so they simply decided to ignore it. Without you, there wasn't anyone important _and _persistent enough to oppose them…"  
At the 'persistent' part he flashed a small grin to which Shepard rolled her eyes as an answer.  
"It goes without saying that they wouldn't want me as a Spectre either… They feared that working with you influenced me too much. I can't say they were wrong."  
His eyes caught hers, and again, they went silent for a short time.  
"I've been already struggling with my work at C-Sec when I met you. Going back there was supposed to be only a temporary solution. Being around you helped me realize what I really wanted to do with my life, and getting promoted to a Spectre would have been the first step. However, with you dead and my application rejected, it was the end of the line."  
He sighed. Lots of memories surfaced inside him, and they weren't pleasant ones.

"So why Omega?"  
"I got fed up with all the bureaucratic crap on the Citadel, so I quit. I stayed for some time, tried doing some good on my own. I ended up on Omega after trailing drug shipments."  
While Garrus spoke, Shepard shifted again, this time moving a little bit further, making some space between them for her legs.  
"I guess I can see why you stayed. Lots of criminals and no rules…"  
"Something like that. As I said, I didn't really have plan B."  
"You mentioned something about a team. I can't really imagine you as a merc for hire…"  
"We weren't like that. Omega is littered with thugs, and all they do is kicking the helpless. I formed my team to kick back. We weren't paid for what we did, well, at least not in the usual sense."  
"That sounds very Garrus-like, if you ask me. By the way, now I think I also understand your problem with the mercs…"  
"It was simple. We'd hit their shipments, disrupt activities, get under their skin; make them angry. They'd come charging right into our well-prepared killzone; crossfire and snipers, clean and surgical."  
"But how did you end up with a squad?"  
"Not too different from how you formed yours, actually."  
"I see. Well, after all, you did learn from _the_ expert…"  
A cocky half-smile appeared on Shepard's face. She was leaning back against the corner of the couch, with her elbow propped against the edge and her head resting on her hand.  
"I guess I still have much to learn..."  
His expression hardened as he stared in front of himself.

"What went wrong?"  
"One of our own sold us out… Sidonis… He sent me to intercept a fake delivery, but the whole place was empty. He didn't show either. I returned to our base, thinking that something must have happened to him… Well, something did. My squad was massacred, and he fled Omega."  
He went silent. It was obvious he still felt guilty about what happened. His posture seemed broken; his arms laying still on his thighs, his back hunched and his expression frozen. Shepard contemplated the story for a moment, then sat up straight.  
"What happened to him?"  
The answer came after a moment of hesitation.  
"He's out there, somewhere…"  
"Hm…"  
She let her legs fall to the floor as she moved back closer to him, sitting almost side by side, staring at the opposite wall like he did.  
"So, I guess that makes him our new Saleon, huh?"  
Garrus's head suddenly jerked up as he stared at her in disbelief.  
"Wait, Shepard… I didn't… I didn't mean it like that. I mean you don't have to shoulder this one too… I… I will take care of this myself."  
She looked back at him, her expression unreadable, then she stood up and bowed down to touch his shoulder with one hand.  
"I should've known… I should've seen…", he said in absolute resignation.  
"Are you sure?"  
Shepard's voice was calm and unusually gentle. This was surprising, because usually she handled rough situations with tough approach. Garrus looked up and stared at her eyes for a moment, then he shook his head.

"Trusting people _always _puts you at risk. There is no way to tell for sure if they'll stay loyal or betray you. The best you can do is a guess, and thus it can be either wrong or right. Still, there are times when you simply _need_ to take that risk, and deal with the results in your own way. Remember, when you joined me in the hunt against Saren? Letting you on the team was also a risk. It's not my merit that it turned out to be right choice."  
Their eyes met again, and this time, they stayed that way longer. Finally, Garrus broke contact as his head fell forward, resting on Shepard's stomach. She was a bit shocked, as she was never good with intimacy. What was even more shocking, however, that when she thought about the whole situation, it didn't really seem to bother her.  
She never had 'friends' in the usual sense. The closest kind of personal relationship she ever had was the one she shared with some of the crew with the original Normandy. Still, it felt different from what she had with Garrus.

Throughout her military training, she strived for respect and acknowledgment, avoiding personal attachment like the plague. As she grew older, her personality loosened up a little, but her principles remained. Any case of 'fraternization' on her side was strictly casual, no strings attached.  
She had no problems with developing the sense of camaraderie, but friendship was a whole different topic. Until her promotion to Spectre, this didn't really bother her, but after she started building her own crew, things changed. In fact, Shepard herself changed, and it was thanks to the aliens on her team. They were there, because they decided to, not because they were ordered to do so. Fighting alongside them taught her to see people differently; they were the first Shepard ever considered calling a friend.  
Her relationship with Garrus, however, has seemed to reach a completely new level, and this made her confused. At the moment, she still couldn't tell if all of this was caused by the fact that she came back from the dead, or was simply something else.

* * *

"Shepard, Officer Lawson has just returned from Omega."  
EDI's sudden emergence broke the silence as her synthetic voice filled the quiet room with echoes and Garrus pulled back in surprise.  
"How did it go?"  
Shepard hid her face in her palm as she gave an exhausted sign while waiting for an answer. Cerberus's ideas of privacy seemed pretty fucked up.  
"Everything went according to plan. Miss Lawson will send you the written report soon."  
"All right. Tell Joker to set a course for Korlus."  
"Right away."  
"Thanks, EDI. That'll be all."  
That glowing light of EDI's hologram disappeared from the panel and the room was silent again.

"Korlus?" Garrus asked with suspicion.  
"Yeah. I'm right in the middle of building a team, remember?"  
"Hm… Not until you've gotten some sleep."  
"Don't patronize me."  
She wasn't angry, but there was a fair hint of warning in her tone.  
"Without Kaidan around, someone has to do it."  
He meant it as a joke, but Shepard's ice-cold glance told him that she didn't find it funny.  
"So, why did you send Lawson back on Omega?"  
"I've found evidence that the mercs were planning to take Aria down. I decided that doing her a favor might come handy later."  
"Good idea."  
"I'll send you the dossiers on our potential new recruits." After a moment of hesitation she continued. "How are your wounds?"  
"Fairly well. They won't hold me back in a fight. And next time, I'm definitely going with you."  
He crossed his arms, showing that he wasn't going to back down. Shepard walked away from him, right up to her desk.  
"I wonder when did you get so cocky, Vakarian." She sighed as she realized that his new attitude was bound to cause problems at some point. "I've sent you the files. Now get your ass out of here. I need sleep, just as you kindly pointed out."  
Garrus chuckled and walked out of the room at a deliberately slow pace, while Shepard tried to act busy reading through the data on her screen. Yes, things have definitely changed, but right now she wasn't sure if it was for the better or worse.


	7. Recruitment

**AN: This chapter just didn't want to be finished. Anytime I got in the mood for writing, something came up, and this is a rather annoying thing - just in case you were wondering.**

Also, I'd like to say thanks to the 'guest' who reviewed all the chapters and of course to everyone who followed/favourited. I'm grateful. :)

* * *

The only thing that actually differentiated Korlus from Omega was the presence of open air. The whole landing area resembled an oversized junkyard with scrap metal scattered around in heaps.  
Shepard chose Jacob as the third member of the assault squad, figuring he could fit well with the current setup. His character seemed promising; the Commander needed open-minded people, and as a bonus, Jacob's loyalty towards Cerberus didn't run deeper than necessary. The same couldn't have been said about Miranda; her blind trust towards the Illusive Man was more than enough reason for Shepard to keep her at a safe distance.

After exiting the shuttle she made sure to revise the strategy before entering the hot-zone.  
"Jacob, I want you to focus your biotics mostly on problematic enemies; snipers or people armed with heavy weaponry."  
After an acknowledging nod from Taylor, she turned her eyes towards her other teammate.  
"Garrus, coordinate your attacks with Jacob's movements so we can take out nuisances fast. If he pulls someone from cover, I want you to focus on that person first, unless there is a bigger threat."  
With this, Shepard turned in the other direction and started marching towards the mercenary camp.

"Our target is a krogan warlord, Okeer. He is rumored to have connections with the Collectors, so we need at least that piece of information.  
With all the broken concrete and the bare metallic framework the whole place reminded Shepard of old vids she used to watch as a child. This place was the embodiment of the image of a post-apocalyptic world.  
She and Jacob took turns in scouting forward, covering each other, while Garrus followed behind; his eyes searching for possible hiding spots for snipers. Their first encounter with the mercs came at least five minutes after entering their territory; that was relatively late. Not running into them sooner must have meant that something was going on behind their lines.

It was a small outpost with only a few mercs and they were too busy arguing to notice enemies closing in on them.  
Shepard steadied her position behind the metal plate she used as cover and waited for the perfect moment. In the next second, Garrus fired his rifle and the first Blue Suns officer fell to the floor. The Commander used the sudden panic to her advantage as she opened fire and mowed the mercs down one by one. Meanwhile, Jacob used the gunfire as cover to move forward, finishing the job from up close.  
They eliminated the mercenary outpost within a minute and without any hostile shots fired.

They kept pushing forward through various setups of Blue Suns teams. There were some tougher spots but on the whole, the mission progressed steadily.  
After descending into a gauntlet of metal walls and plates, the team finally ran into a krogan, though not the one they were after. Shepard questioned him thoroughly, and with his information she managed to piece some of the missing details together.  
Okeer was most likely trying to find a way around the genophage and things got messy. It was Virmire all over again… The events of that day were still vivid in her memories; Wrex struggling with the weight of his people's future on his shoulders, Ash sacrificing herself for the mission…  
It was evident that this warlord has lost himself to his ambition and he needed to be stopped.

* * *

Jedore was a tough opponent. She kept rendering the squad's formation useless with the waves of released tank-bred krogan, forcing everyone to focus on their own situation instead of looking at the big picture.  
These tricks, however, were lost on the Commander. She had been in tougher situations before, and she knew better than to be disturbed by tactics like that.  
"Garrus, we have to take out the heavy mech. Do you see any good spots?"  
"Hardly, but I'll make it work somehow."  
"That's what I wanted to hear. Get going, I'll cover you."  
It took some time, but with a few precise shots, the turian sniper was able to blow the Ymir's head to pieces. Shepard, on the other hand was having a hard time keeping all the attention on herself.

Jedore's cursing and screeching filled the whole hangar with echo.  
"I'll deal with her myself, just keep these pawns off of my back!", Shepard shouted as she sprinted from one tank to the next, trying to dodge the impact of the merc leader's missiles.  
Seeing how precision and careful aiming put him at a disadvantage in this situation, Garrus chose to equip his assault rifle instead. He joined up with Jacob as they tried to clear a path for Shepard.

The Commander did her best to tear away Jedore's defenses one by one as she moved closer to her step by step, until it was now or never. She jumped out of cover, charging straight towards her enemy. In the last moment, she used a pile of debris as leverage, rising high into the air.  
It was only in that moment that Jedore noticed that the gun in Shepard's hands wasn't the assault rifle anymore; it was shotgun, pointed right at her face. Her eyes widened when the realization hit; that was the exact moment when the Commander pulled the trigger, leaving only a bloody chunk of meat where Jedore's head once used to be.

* * *

"Wrex would've appreciated that shot…"  
Garrus's voice was quiet. He felt a shiver racing through his body as he recalled the events from a minute before.  
"Well, we're trying to impress a krogan here, after all…"  
Shepard's answer was casual; her thoughts were already elsewhere. They were racing up the stairs, back to Okeer's lab.

They were greeted by the warlord's dying message on the screen, notifying them that they weren't even a step closer to the Collectors. Also, he left his 'legacy' in Shepard's care. Like she didn't have enough to deal with already…

* * *

Bringing aboard an unconscious krogan in a breeding tank led to endless speculation among the crew. Most of them agreed on that the thing must be dangerous, so for the moment Shepard decided not to disturb him, at least not until the anxiety on the ship stilled a little.  
Besides, she had other things to do: she still had one recruit to pick up. After listening to Joker expressing concern in his own sarcastic way, the Commander asked him to set course for the Hourglass Nebula, or more precisely; the prison ship Purgatory.

* * *

The main battery was bathed in a dim red light and the quiet buzzing of the ship's machinery filled the air with a constant background noise. It wasn't the place most people would find relaxing, but after spending more than a year on Omega, its familiarity had a calming effect on Garrus.  
He spent his free time hunched over the central control panel, trying to come up with more precise algorithms or fixing unstable parts in the already existing ones. Whenever someone asked what he was doing, he gave the short answer of 'calibrating'. The crew treated him surprisingly friendly for Cerberus personnel, thus delivering him to the conclusion that they were rather 'scavenged' from Alliance forces than trained under the organization.

Chasing the Collectors seemed to be just as difficult as dealing with Saren was but still, he didn't mind. There wasn't any place in the world he'd rather be.  
Talking to Shepard helped him set his mind at ease on certain matters. Being around her now felt different than it was before. A few years ago, he was just an overzealous C-Sec officer, pretty much oblivious to how the world actually worked – or at least that's what he thought when he looked back to those days from today. Now he was a survivor, someone who had seen the worst, someone who put lives at risk and lost them – in a sense, just like her.  
He still respected her more than anyone, but it was clear to him that he couldn't look at her the same way as before. For him, she wasn't 'the Commander' anymore. Yes, he'd still follow her to certain death, but not because she ordered him to do so. Also, he wasn't about to question her orders on the battlefield. He obeyed because that's how things worked there, and because he still trusted her skills, instincts and intuition.  
He also felt something else change in the way he looked at her, but he wasn't sure what it really was. He didn't treat her as his superior anymore; he very much treated her like a _person_. However, he was still figuring these things out. Some of his reactions even surprised him; like when he started teasing her in that deep tone before… it was practically almost flirting. Well, since Shepard was a human, it was unlikely that she had a clue about that, but what really frustrated Garrus was the fact that he had also been completely unaware of himself.

He took a break from his calibrations to fetch himself a cup of the turian equivalent of tea from the mess hall. His thoughts kept returning to the mission on Korlus. It had only been a few hours ago, but the memories still felt fresh; following Shepard to the battlefield, watching her form move with familiar grace, listening to her voice as she handles the situation… Fighting beside her, following her order… It all felt nostalgic.  
He took a seat at the table with a plain human mug in his hands. He didn't dare to take it back to the control panel; he was way too lost in his thoughts lately to risk spilling it all over the place. Musing above his hot 'tea', Garrus reached the conclusion that he wished to claim a permanent spot on the assault squad. However, this was easier said than done considering Shepard's attitude towards questioning her authority…

"Garrus, do you have a moment?"  
The mention of his name shocked him back to reality from his idle daydreams. Shepard was standing right next to him, leaning on the table with one arm.  
Garrus knew she was waiting for an answer, but he had absolutely no idea what the question was, so he kept staring up at her with a confused expression.  
Something on your mind?"  
Shepard raised an eyebrow questioningly while she crossed her arms and tilted her hips to the left.  
"Sorry, Shepard, I was just a little lost in thought. Do you need me for something?"  
"Actually, yes. I will have to board the Purgatory to get Jack. Do you want tag along?"  
Well, this was 'problem solved' for Garrus.  
"Sure. Who else is coming?"  
Although he was pretty sure that the two of them could handle the situation well enough, he also knew that Shepard preferred to prepare for the worst.  
"Mordin."  
"The salarian?"  
"Mhm", she nodded as she broke her stance and took a seat next to Garrus. "He used to work with the STG."  
That explained a few things about the professor's reputation.  
"Do you think something will go wrong?"  
"On a prison ship that's apparently run by the Blue Suns?"  
"Ouch…"  
"Yes, I'm pretty sure something will happen. In fact, I can describe you at least ten ways of how this could go horribly wrong."  
Garrus nervously chuckled as he tried to imagine what Shepard's top 10 could be. They had been already through a fair share of trouble.  
"Shepard, do you remember Therum?"  
"How could I ever forget", she answered with a lopsided grin.

* * *

"See, I told you…" murmured Shepard towards Garrus as they stood at the entrance of Purgatory with weapons readied.  
The guards tried to disarm them before entering, but the Commander was having none of that, and her squad fully agreed. This setup was more than unsettling. Luckily, the warden interfered before things got out of hand, and after this 'minor setback' they were on their way to meet the crazy biotic they were just about to recruit.  
They passed numerous cells as they listened to the warden's introduction of the place, before Kuril decided to leave them on their own with the necessary directions. As they walked across the seemingly endless corridors, Shepard spotted a turian guard standing idly and watching as his colleague was beating a prisoner senseless.

"What's going on in there?" she asked in her trademark 'commander' tone.  
Garrus had seen her do this on many occasions before. This trick never failed on soldiers or anyone working under a strict line of command. The guard instantly straightened his position and tried his best to make his answer as official as he could. He had no clue that he was failing miserably…  
"This is a massage compared to what his victims went through, ma'am."  
His face was hidden behind a helmet, but Garrus could have sworn that he was looking at Shepard anxiously to see if he passed the test. The Commander, however, didn't seem to be impressed with the answer.  
"Are you telling me that the three of you are on the same level?"  
The guard took a step back in shock as the answer hit him.  
"No, ma'am, that's not what I meant."  
"Really? Because to me it certainly seemed that you were implying that you were actually _striving_ to recreate his actions _on_ him."  
She articulated the words clearly, making sure to emphasize at the right parts. Her voice seemed _disturbingly_ calm and even.  
"Is _this_ what you aim to be?"  
"No… I didn't... It's just…"  
He obviously suffered under the Commander's ruthless gaze. He coughed nervously and activated his comm systems.  
"Call it off. At least for now…"  
The beating stopped inside the cell. Shepard gave a curt nod and left without a word.  
"You know, Shepard, that trick of yours never ceases to amaze me…" said Garrus as he reached up to rub the back of his neck.

* * *

"And here we go again", grunted Shepard as she dragged her assault rifle off of her back. It's not like she didn't expect the warden to betray them; she was angry because this whole struggle was a waste of time. A few prison guards couldn't hope to keep her from reaching her goal, but the real problem was that the goal itself kept moving further away.  
As soon as Jack came out of cryo, she made a run for it, leaving behind torn mechs, dead bodies and a surprised team of a human, a turian and a salarian. Well, 'Jack' was apparently a woman. Not like it changed anything, but still, it was a little bit of an unnecessary surprise. Shepard made a mental note to ask Miranda if Cerberus recommended lunatics for recruit on purpose…

Taking care of the prison guards was a relatively easy job; the Commander expected a stronger resistance from the warden. Kuril had been operating his prison/slave market for quite some time now, but slipping up on something like this seemed to be more like the work of an amateur. His greed must have gotten the better of him…  
Well, even without considering his current failure at containing his own prisoner plus failing to get his hands on a new one, the warden still didn't score too high on Shepard's prestige list thanks to his past dealings. She put a bullet through his head without a second thought as soon as she managed to work his shields down.

Jack, however, was worse than she imagined. The Commander wanted a clean-cut start in their relationship to make things easier, but instead she ended up having a show-off of power and stubbornness. After long moments of arguing, the debate finally seemed to reach a turning point.  
"I bet your ship's got lots of Cerberus databases. I want to look at those files. See what Cerberus has got on me. You want me on your team? Let me go through those databases."  
Jack kept staring at her intently. This was the final test.  
"Deal. You can look at them all you want."  
Shepard didn't even blink. She was telling the truth; she had no interest in keeping that information locked away. If Cerberus was dirty – and she was damn sure they were – then it might have been just the time for them to take responsibility for their actions.  
"Shepard, there are some people who might not agree with you…"  
Garrus's voice was quiet. It's not like he had any reason to protect Cerberus, but this couldn't be said about the whole crew of the Normandy.  
"Well, I dare those people to try to question my orders…"  
She was well aware that he meant Miranda, but honestly, she didn't care. If Lawson had problems, she was free to go and whine to the Illusive Man.  
"All right, let's get the hell out of here. I've had more than enough of this place for a lifetime."  
"You bet."  
Right now Jack seemed to be in an awfully jolly mood…


	8. Horizon

After suffering through the introduction of Miranda and Jack, Shepard visited the Med-Bay.  
Karin Chakwas was sitting at her desk like usual, checking through her files to see if there was anyone with medical condition that might require her attention.  
"Commander", she started, but when she saw the slight wave of Shepard's hand, she gave a gentle sigh. "Is there a problem?"  
Shepard shrugged and walked up to one of the sickbeds, pulling herself up into a sitting position.  
"Honestly, Doc, I don't feel very commander-like lately."  
"How so?"  
"Things are different. This isn't the Normandy." She paused for a moment, weighing her words. "Well, not the SR-1."  
"Yes, that's true."  
Chakwas's voice was calm and soft, her presence soothing as ever. She knew things weren't easy for the Commander and that she wasn't used to talking so openly to people. The good doctor leaned back at her seat, waiting patiently.  
"Back there the whole crew was Alliance military. We were official, and everyone acted like that." Shepard took a deap breath. "I'm not saying that the new guys don't do their job well… As far as I can tell, they're all great and professional, but sometimes I feel like I'm babysitting children playing in the sandbox. They know about my past and they idolize me about it; it's as if I just have to get to the Collectors, give them a mean look and they will all go home…"  
She paused. Something was still on her mind, but she struggled with accepting it.  
"Damn, Karin, these people don't know what they've gotten themselves into. They aren't ready…"

Chakwas understood why Shepard hesitated to say it out loud. As long as she only thought about it, she could've been wrong. But when someone with her rank and experience voiced something like that, it suddenly became the truth.  
"Can anyone be ready for something like Alchera?"  
Shepard's eyes grew wide as the doctors words sunk in. Chakwas was right… She remembered the panic, the screams, the fire… Alenko's and Joker's face filled with despair as she tried to make them see reason…  
"Maybe you're right. But their enthusiasm sometimes makes me doubt if I can live up to their expectations…"  
"You're a human, Shepard, a very strong one, but not omnipotent. They trust you, not because they know you will succeed, but because they know you'll do everything in your power to do so."  
Shepard quietly hummed as her mind familiarized itself with the doctor's words.  
"You know, I still have the brandy you got me on Omega. This might just be the perfect time to open it…"  
"Well, why not?"  
Shepard's laugh was modest, as usual, and Chakwas's was melodic, as always. The Commander sometimes wondered how much heartache the doctor had caused to the space marines in her younger days.

"So, Shepard, how is your team coming along?"  
She answered with a grunt. The alcohol had been disappearing from the bottle in a slow, but steady state.  
"Miranda's connection to Cerberus is too strong. I can't shake off the feeling that she's here to keep me in check rather than to help me."  
"Have you tried talking to her?"  
"I have, but she has her own secrets. Getting through to her won't be easy."  
They went silent for a moment. The Cerberus issue was a difficult one.  
"What about Jacob?"  
"He's a good soldier. A little bit lost in the mazes of power plays, but he'll figure it out eventually.  
"And the new girl? Jack?"  
"Tougher than she looks. Her shell is harder than a krogan's head. She takes trust and anger management issues to whole new level. She needs time."  
The Commander didn't think of herself as a 'people person' and usually claimed that figuring others out was troublesome and tiring. Even so, the accuracy of her intuition regarding 'damaged' people managed to surprise the Doctor on more than one occasion. Considering Shepard's childhood as an only child who didn't really bother about forming bonds, this 'ability' was rather unusual.

"So, Karin, how are you and Mordin getting along?"  
Shepard's lips turned into a lopsided smile as Chakwas answered with a discreet laugh.  
"Well, sometimes I wonder what would happen if someone gave him coffee… But don't worry, we don't hamper each other's work. We consult about medical or research matters when necessary. In fact, he just asked me if I could share my files on the crew for his new project on the 'swarm' problem."  
"Oh… Then I guess I should pay him a visit and ask if he found anything useful."  
Shepard was already preparing to jump down from the bed when Chakwas stopped her.  
"I don't think you should bother him. He'll definitely send word if he gets any interesting results."  
Feeling like she was scolded by her mother, Shepard moved herself back to sitting position instantly.  
"Right… I didn't think about that."

After that, she sat there in silence. Earlier, she told Joker to take them to the Citadel so she could finally meet up and have a heart-to-heart with Anderson. Right now, she realized that she had nothing planned for the journey. Maybe it was time to wake up her new krogan…  
"I was wondering… How are things between you and Garrus?"  
Shepard's breath hitched. Did she hear it right, or was she imagining things?  
"What do you mean?", she asked confused, or maybe it would be more precise to say 'shocked'. She tried her best to keep her voice even, but now her mind was filled with images of their recent encounters; the way he embraced her on Omega, the moment when he teased her at the main battery, the feeling of his head resting on her belly…  
"Well, you haven't seen each other for over two years, and with all the things happening…"  
Chakwas was honestly surprised by the Commander's intense reaction. She made a mental note of it, but for now, she decided not to mention it.  
"And I know he always was your favorite." A soft smile followed her words. "I remember how he used to follow you around, hanging on every word you said and trying to impress you all the time." She chuckled; her voice was filled with warmth and remembrance.  
"Oh come on, Karin, he wasn't like that…" Shepard'a expression was slightly reprimanding, like a parent listening to far-fetched stories of her child. " Besides, he's all grown up now.", she added in a slightly sarcastic tone.  
"Is that so? Well, I see that you're still just as protective of him as you used to be." Chakwas gave another gentle laugh. "Seems like some things never change, Shepard."

"Shepard, the Illusive Man would like to talk to you. It's urgent."  
EDI's ability to disturb a conversation right in the middle seemed unparalleled, although the Commander knew it wasn't really her fault. Or its fault. Whatever. Most of the time, she didn't really mind having an AI on board, but sometimes its presence grew really frustrating.  
"On my way."  
With a nod to Chakwas, she left the med-bay right away.

The doctor's words made her think. The first of her concerns was her strong reaction to Chakwas's harmless question. Why did she think that Karin was implying something? And why did it bother her so much?

* * *

Shepard stood before the tank containing Okeer's legacy. She was contemplating the details of their new priority mission.  
The Illusive Man told her that the human colony on Horizon just went silent. If they were fast enough, they could catch the Collectors before they disappeared again. There was no proof that they were headed there, but it seemed quite likely.  
Shepard had already checked in with Mordin about the results of his research. For now, it seemed like he managed to find a solution in time, but they couldn't be sure until they tested it out in the field. Now they just had to hope that it would actually work.  
Knowing that a few hours had already passed since the colony went silent, their best shot was to rush in and try to catch the enemy in the middle of operation. For an assault like that, she needed a fast and resilient team. If they were back on the old Normandy she would have chosen Wrex and Garrus without question. Luckily, she still had the turian, but right now, she was in desperate need of an indestructible krogan. It was a gamble, but there was no way around it…

After a small argument with EDI debating about the mental and physiological stability of the subject, Shepard hit the control panel with a determined expression.  
The AI was undoubtedly right about the potential threat that the creature possessed, but the Commander firmly believed that she could handle the situation. She had a pretty good understanding of the krogan fighting style and she was rather confident that she wasn't easy to break.  
The fluid flushed from the tank quickly, leaving the semi-conscious warrior to fall to his knees; choking, fighting for air desperately. After his mind cleared a bit, he steadied himself, his sight still blurry from the sudden exposure to the blinding light. When his eyes finally finished struggling for focus, his gaze sharpened, and with a lightning-fast, instinct-driven contractions of his muscles he scampered forward and tossed Shepard like a ragdoll at the heavy metal crates.

"Human. Female. Before you die, I need a name."  
He kept her squeezed up at those crates, with his strong arm pushing against her neck and shoulders.  
"I'm Commander Shepard, and I don't take threats lightly. I suggest you relax."  
She wasn't really surprised. He was a krogan, and seemingly an angry one at that, but she learned to control Wrex's rage… She wasn't about to lose to a newborn baby.  
"Not your name. Mine. I am trained. I know things, but the tank… Okeer couldn't implant connections. His words are hollow." For a moment, he was lost in thought. "Warlord… Legacy… Grunt… Grunt. That was among the last. It has no meaning. It'll do."  
Shepard waited patiently until the krogan settled his identity issues with himself. He was in a vulnerable state in an alien world, but she decided to wait and see if he can figure things out by himself.

"I am Grunt. If you're worthy of your command, prove your strength and destroy me."  
"Why do you want me to kill you?"  
Maybe he really needed a little help with settling in…  
"What? I do what I'm meant to; fight and reveal the strongest. Nothing in the tank ever asked what I want. I feel nothing for Okeer's clan or his enemies. That imprint failed. Okeer has failed. Without a reason that's mine, one fight is as good as any other. Might as well start with you…"  
"Well… you're not in the tank anymore, and I'm not Okeer. Actually, I don't care about his plans and ambitions either. You're on your own now; you make your choices. I can fight with you if you insist, but I'd rather not try to wrestle down a krogan right now. I'm on an important mission, and I'm offering you a place among my crew. Accept it, and find your reason to fight for by my side."  
Grunt contemplated for a minute, then shook his head.  
"Join you? I don't even know if you're worthy or not. I might as well snap your neck like a twig…"  
"Or not."  
He felt a light push against his side. Surprised, he looked down. Shepard was holding her pistol with a firm grip, ready to pull the trigger if necessary.  
"At this moment, you're aboard the Normandy SR-2, a cruiser built specifically for stealth and recon missions. We're headed to the planet Horizon, where the Collectors are abducting a whole human colony. I'll go down there and fight my way through them to get the answers I need. My offer: come along, fight with me, and see for yourself if I'm worthy of my command."  
There was an unnerving silence for a few moments as the krogan kept staring at the gun pointed at his side, most likely pondering about his options.  
"Hmph. You offer one hand, and arm the other. Wise, Shepard. Your offer is acceptable. For now, I'll fight for you."  
"I'm glad you saw reason. Get ready, we will arrive soon."

* * *

The first few minutes were filled with anxiety as they advanced towards the colony. Although the presence of the oddly shaped spaceship assured them that they still had a chance of running into the enemy, the unnaturally quiet landscape promised nothing good. If there was any fight between the colonists and the Collectors, it had already been over.  
At least there was one thing working in their favor for sure: Mordin's upgrades seemed to work perfectly as the incoming seeker swarms passed right by them.

Garrus's thoughts kept wandering as they neared the settlement. Before they boarded the shuttle, Shepard told him that Alenko was supposed to be on Horizon. Her expressionless face and the fact that she could have told him about this long before unnerved him, but he didn't have time to get to the bottom of it.  
Kaidan was always a very dedicated soldier, and the fact that he wasn't with the team already proved that his loyalties still lied with the Aliance. Besides, Shepard never mentioned anything about wanting to seek him out, meaning that she either didn't trust him to cooperate or simply didn't want him on the team to begin with. Garrus was damn sure that something happened between them aboard the Normandy, but without solid information, he could only guess. It had always bothered him to some extent, but right now it felt downright annoying.

* * *

They reached the outskirts of the colony without being spotted, but as soon as they passed the first crates, a loud, buzzing sound filled the air. Shepard ordered her squad to take cover, and a second later strange, insectoid creatures emerged from all around.  
The Commander had never seen anything like these. They were bipedal like most sapient races, but their form still seemed alien. All of their body was covered with hardened skin or exoskeleton, most likely a natural armor. Their facial features were hidden except for the glowing eyes. The chattering sound they produced seemed like a form of speech, though unintelligible to the other races.

On the whole, they seemed threatening, but nothing close to daunting. After a few well-placed shots, Shepard and the others found that these creatures fell just like any other; with sufficient ammunition and the exclusion of the swarms, these Collectors would pose no bigger threat than any other faction they'd faced before. The fact that they could fly in from any direction complicated things a bit, but with a little bit of concentration that problem could be easily solved too.

They were getting deeper and deeper into the settlement with a steady pace, but they found no trace of survivors or even signs of a former struggle. It was just like on Freedom's progress; they searched all the container houses in their way and found nothing.  
As they stepped outside, a new platoon of enemies descended upon them. Grunt's throaty laugh filled the air as a sign of approval. Despite the circumstances of his birth, he was indeed a fine specimen of krogan ancestry. He rushed into a fight without thinking twice, using his sheer physical strength to bludgeon through enemies who were unlucky enough to get in his way.

Suddenly, they heard a deep, dark toned voice speaking in the distance and soon after one of Collector soldiers rose into the air, a blinding light shining through the cracks of his armor.  
Shepard instantly signaled Garrus to get rid of that thing, but when his precisely aimed shot was easily deflected by a strong biotic shield, they realized that things might just have gotten a little bit more complicated. It was time to rethink their strategy. Grunt was assigned to take care of the incoming foot soldiers, while Shepard moved closer and Garrus waited in position. When she was in ideal range with her assault rifle, the Commander opened fire to draw attention. As the creature that introduced himself as 'Harbringer' kept chasing after her, the turian sniper prepared for a clean shot. Tearing his defenses down took some time, but Shepard moving around just in front of his nose was enough distraction to keep him occupied until he finally became vulnerable.  
When the final shot hit, the body incinerated, leaving nothing but ashes behind.

They kept the same game going until they reached a building with sealed doors.

* * *

Bypassing the system was no challenge for Garrus, and they were inside in less than a minute. However, the reception from the only survivor yet wasn't exactly what they expected.  
After arguing with the old man about responsibilities for minutes, Shepard finally gained valuable information, and their new goal was set. They left the grumpy human behind as they marched on to activate the defense towers.

It was easier said than done, as the time it took EDI to get the systems working was more than enough for quite a number of Collector troops to arrive and try to sabotage their plans. It was pretty much an 'every man for himself' type of fight, with husks crawling in from all sides. The appearance of a new, gruesome enemy made the battle even more chaotic: some kind of flying construct, carrying deformed husks inside.

Shepard's squad had to scatter relatively early and the seemingly endless flood of hostile creatures made their attempts at regrouping nearly impossible.  
Garrus was forced to discard his sniper rifle and equip an assault one instead. Even Grunt was being pushed into a corner, and Shepard found herself using her weapon for melee attacks more often than she preferred to. For some reason, the husks seemed to be drawn to her, and while her teammates were already targeting the huge, flying creatures, she was still busy shaking off the overwhelming swarm of mindless zombies.  
Suddenly, she felt bony fingers clutching at her weapon-wielding arm; she tugged it towards her chest to gain momentum and swung it backwards with considerable force to shove the damn thing off of her. The husk lost its balance and fell towards the ground and as soon as it was down, Shepard stomped on its neck with her heavy boots. The sound of crackling bones and machinery filled her with wicked satisfaction.  
Before she could relax, however, another soulless creature jumped on her back. Its cold and lifeless fingers got tangled in her hair as the creature tried to get a firmer grip on her neck. The Commander knew she didn't have much time to act, so she smashed her back repeatedly against the nearby crates as hard she could until her attacker completely stopped moving.

Shepard was getting exhausted, and the fight was far from over. She was panting heavily and her arms trembled under the weight of her rifle. She shook her head, trying hard to pull herself together when she heard someone shout her name in the distance.  
Her head jerked up, but it was already late. The praetorian's sharp beam was targeting her, and before she could move, her shield already started burning away. The only thing she could do was to jump sideways and hope that the thing would pass over her.  
She landed in the grass with a heavy thud, cursing between her teeth. Her shield was fried for now and she was already low on ammo. She tried to push herself up, but a firm grip was already holding onto her arm and with a swift tug, she was pulled behind cover.

* * *

As she looked up, she saw the familiar black and blue armor and a quite concerned turian looking back at her.  
"Are you all right?"  
Garrus's voice was filled with worry. It was rare to see Shepard overwhelmed like that.  
"Yeah… These guys are so easy, thought I'd take a nap."  
She grinned up at him, trying her best to assure him that she was fine. She popped her neck to the side as she got herself up into a crouching position.  
"How many of them left?" Shepard asked as she loaded the last set of thermal clips into her rifle.  
"Just one of the bigger guys."  
"Good. Get ready for your kill shot."  
"Are you mad? You can't go out there with no shield!"  
Garrus's eyes grew wild and one of his hands instinctively clutched onto Shepard's arm.  
"I'll run fast. Besides, I can't let my reputation drop because of these bastards."  
She flashed her cocky lopsided-grin, but Garrus didn't seem to budge.  
"No. It's too dangerous. We'll find out something else."  
The Commander's gaze sharpened as she tugged her arm free.  
"Get into position, Vakarian. That's an order."  
They stared at each other intently for a few moments, but Garrus gave in eventually.  
"Be careful."  
"I will. You just concentrate on that shot."

After that, Shepard jumped out of cover and started running, with the disintegrating beam following right behind her.


	9. Reunion

**AN: Sorry, but this will be a shorter chapter compared to the others. I felt like this part needed to stand on its own.  
Before you'd assume anything: I don't hate Kaidan. He has his own faults like every other character. This is just how he fits into my story.** **While playing, I felt like that Garrus needed to have a bigger role in the discussion, so here is my version of how 'the talk' should've happened.**

* * *

Adrenalin pumped through her veins as she sprinted through the short distances from cover to cover. The day's events had already tired her, but she knew that she needed to keep going if she wanted to succed, and she wanted that more than anything right now.

A few hours ago she was playing tough with Grunt, telling him that he should judge her after seeing her in action. Well, this was her best – and only – chance to prove her worth as a leader to the krogan, so laying down and letting the others do the job was not an option.  
Besides, these nefarious creatures were getting on her nerves. Those miserable husks targeted her specifically, meaning that they were most likely 'programmed' that way. It seemed that the Reapers were sore loosers... Shepard was damn sure that somewhere deep below the surface those cursed beings were responsible for all the shit that's been going on since she died.

She gritted her teeth as she pushed her muscles over their normal limits. The monster targeted her instantly, just like she planned, but that meant lots of running around until she could turn it into a favorable position for Garrus. Suddenly, she saw an opening. The creature seemed so occupied with her that it completely ignored the presence of the others and ended up being flanked on both sides; Garrus on the left and Grunt on the right.

„Get ready!", Shepard shouted as she positioned herself for a sortie.  
She jumped out into the open, then took a 90° turn, showing her back to the enemy. She pushed herself forward with her arms, trying to gain as much momentum as possible and started running forward. The praetorian stopped dead in its tracks, taking the time to aim at its target.  
Garrus cursed under his breath as he realized what was happening. This was too risky... But right now he had no other option but to go with the flow. Shepard practically made the terrifying creature into a sitting duck with her move, but this also meant that it was their one and only chance to finish the fight. He had to make this shot count. His heart was beating so fast like it was his life on the line.  
Garrus pulled the trigger while his thoughts kept screaming. 'Please, let it be enough.'

The monster faltered and the strange ray of energy it tried to produce went astray. Grunt jumped out from behind the crates and pointed his shotgun right at the 'head' of the creature, blowing it to bits. Just to make sure... The collector spawn incinerated and burned to ashes as it crumbled to the ground.  
A burst of laughter could be heard from the other side of the field. Commander Shepard stood there, leaning forward, panting, her arms pushing at her knees for balance and her blonde hair a ruffled mess.  
„Well, that really was something."

* * *

Garrus and Grunt both walked up to the Commander.  
„Hah, I guess you were right, Shepard. Being part of your clan will be lots of fun."  
Grunt seemed to be in a great mood and the question of him joining had finally appeared to be solved. Garrus, on the other hand, looked relieved, but tired. For now, he refrained from rushing to her side as he relized that he had to keep his act together.

A rumbling noise filled the air; the Collector ship took off and they couldn't do anything to hold it back. The mechanic they met before rushed into the field, waving his arms and shouting.  
„No! Don't let them get away."  
„There's nothing we can do. They're gone.", Shepard sighed.  
„Half the colony is in there! Do something? Isn't that your fuckin' job?"  
The Commander gave an annoyed 'tch' sound, but answered with the most composure she could muster.  
„I didn't want it to end this way. I did what I could."  
Garrus stepped forward, his tall figure looming over the man.  
„You have no right to talk to her like that. Shepard's been risking her life out here while you were covering in fear inside."  
Even though Garrus's words were quiet, they held a menacing tone.  
„Spineless coward. You should be up there with your useless friends."  
Grunt practically spat the words. Someone that weak didn't deserve to live by his standards.

„Shepard? I know that name... Sure I remember you, some big alliance hero. If that's all you can do..."  
The guy's words reeked from bitterness, but was interrupted by another, friendlier tone.  
„Commander Shepard, Captain of the Normandy, the first human Spectre, Saviour of the Citadel." Kaidan Alenko walked into the scene just like he was waiting for this moment to appear. „You're in the presence of a legend... and a ghost."  
„All the good people we lost, and you get left behind... Figures. Screw this, I'm done with you Allianece types."  
Well, apparently the guy didn't think much of 'legends' or 'ghosts', but at least he left and took his bitching along.  
Shepard was just about to wonder where the LT was. He had a habit of falling into dangerous situations, and this time wasn't an exception. After not having seen his body in stasis anywhere in the colony, the Commander started fearing for the worst, mostly because usually it was her job to drag Alenko back from the edge of death.  
Kaidan stopped right in front of her, and for a moment, they stared at each other. Shepard silently started contemplating the ways this situation could go horribly wrong. She was honestly surprised when the man gave her a hug.  
„I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did."

Garrus's mandibles twitched. Yes, they thought Shepard was dead, but she's been back for some time now. Alenko had to hear about it, yet he didn't do anything and there he was, acting like he cared more than anyone else.

Finally, Shepard broke the embrace. Her expression was unreadable.  
„You don't sound too happy to see me... Something bothering you, Kaidan?"  
„Yes, something's been bothering me. I spent the past two years believing you were dead. I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real... I loved you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't try to contact me?"

The turian tried really hard to keep his expression unfazed. So there really was something between the two... But why hadn't Shepard ever mentioned it? Why would she keep something like that from him? Garrus knew that the human male was head over heels for the Commander, but Shepard never really seemed to have taken him seriously.  
One time, after a mission while only the two of them remained in the cargo bay, he even asked her about it. That time, she told him that she was simply teasing Alenko to make him realize that he has to stand up for himself if he wants something. She had no intention of leading him on as she was pretty sure that the LT would never actually try anything because of the difference in their position.

„Maybe because I was actually dead? It took nearly two years to piece me back together." She used her 'Commander' tone and expression while she crossed her arms. Whatever she was thinking right now, she certainly felt uncomfortable. „Look, I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. It must've been really harsh since we didn't get to sort things out before Alchera..."  
For a moment, Kaidan looked surprised, then his gaze turned suspicious, but before he could've said anything, Shepard continued.  
„I've asked what happened to you, and they told me that your career had been progressing. I didn't want to get you involved because I assumed you moved on."  
„I did move on. At least I thought I did... but now we've got reports about you and Cerberus."  
Shepard's gaze sharpened. Well, the skeleton was finally out of the closet...  
„And?"  
„Alliance intel said that Cerberus might be behind the disappearance of the colonies. I've got a tip that this place might be the next one to get hit. Anderson stonewalled me, but there were rumors you weren't dead... That you're working for the enemy."  
„I guess that's where the defense towers came in... They sent you in to investigate me, didn't they?"  
„I was here for Cerberus. You were just a rumour... I wanted to believe you were alive, but I never expected anything like this. You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance, you betrayed Me. "

„Excuse me? We?"  
Shepard knew this was going to be ugly, but she was intent on keeping her calm. However, it just kept getting worse, and she grew more and more frustrated. Why the hell did Kaidan have to make this into a romance drama? Especially in front of Grunt and Garrus...  
„When did I get _your_ ideals and morals stuck on me? _I _believed and still belive in kicking the Reapers's sorry ass back to deep space, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. Those creatures who abducted the colonists, did they look like Cerberus offircers to you? I don't think so... Cerberus isn't the enemy you should be looking at." She paused for a moment. She didn't like sharing her personal life and feelings, but right now shee needed to get this off of her chest. „And that I betrayed you? When did I ever owe _anything_ to you, Kaidan?"  
There was silence.

„You've changed. I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be." His gaze wandered to Shepard's squadmates. „It seems that you too, Garrus, have forgotten that."  
The turian stepped forward, putting a hand on Shepard's shoulder.  
„I also know where my loyalties lie. I never have forgotten and never will; not even for a second."

Even though she couldn't really feel his touch through her armor, Garrus's presence reassured her. However, it also made her realize the weight of the situation they were in.  
„Do what you will, Kaidan. My mind is already set: I'll destroy the Collectors and stop them from terrorizing people, whether the Alliance, the Council or Cerberus likes it or not."  
Her voice and expression softened. This was the _real _Shepard, Neira Shepard, the person, and not Shepard, the Commander. Kaidan stared at her a little longer before he shook his head and prepared to leave.  
„Goodbye, Shepard. Be careful."  
He turned around, ready to leave the Commander behind.  
„Moving on was the right choice. I suggest you keep doing it."  
Alenko stopped for a second, hesitating if he should turn back or not, but finally he decided not to. Shepard's voice was calm. She lightly patted Garrus's hand on her shoulders.  
"Let's get back to the Normandy. We still have much to do."


	10. Special

**AN: Inspirational music: James Arthur - Impossible  
Hey guys! If you're in the mood, feel free to leave any kind of feedback. For future chapters, it'd be great to know which parts do you prefer in the story, and which ones are less interesting as the possibilities given by the game are quite extensive. (Fights, sidequests, added plot and dialogues, etc.) Right now I'm thinking about leaving the DLCs (including Kasumi and Zaeed) out as I didn't get to them in my first playthrough - which is the base of this story.**  
**Have fun reading!**

* * *

As soon as the shuttle arrived back at the Normandy, Shepard visited Miranda and gave her a brief recital of the mission so she could pass it on to TIM. Of course, she left the personal parts out.  
After that problem was solved, she ordered Joker to finally head to the Citadel. The meeting with Kaidan made her realize that the situation with the officials might have been a lot worse than she imagined. She pondered on visiting Karin and telling her about the things that happened on Horizon, but when she finally entered the elevator, she decided on heading to the uppermost floor. Her cabin was the only personal space she actually owned, well, semi-personal if one counted EDI in. She wanted to be alone. There were things she needed to think through, and maybe a good sleep wouldn't have hurt either.

* * *

As she stepped out of the shower, she found a familiar figure sitting idly on the couch.  
„You took your time, Shepard."  
Garrus seemed a little uncomfortable; maybe he was worried about her reaction to his uninvited appearance. He had also changed out of his usual armor and most likely already had showered as he seemed quite spotless compared to how he looked after the fight.  
„Did something happen?"  
He never appeared unannounced like that before, so Shepard assumed he had a good reason to do so. She left the doorframe completely as she covered her wet hair loosely with a towel. She didn't ever bother to twist it around, it just hung from her head like a hood. She hadn't dressed for having guests; she was wearing a simple black sports bra and black sweatpants.  
„No, not really." Garrus's answer was quiet as he glanced at her form from the corner of his eyes. „I just wanted to see how you were doing."

Shepard gazed at him for a few moments from beside her desk, like she was weighing her answer carefully.  
„Don't worry about Horizon. Shit happens..."  
„I doubt it's that simple..."  
Shepard simply shrugged as an answer. It was the universal, unmistakable sign of 'whatever'. When Garrus's gaze still held on, she sighed, and walked closer, taking a seat next to him on the couch.  
„I figured something like this would happen as soon as I knew he would be there. Kaidan thinks of the world like a fairytale; the prince slays the dragon, saves the princess and they live happily ever after."  
Garrus chuckled lightly.  
"So are you supposed to be the princess, Shepard?"  
"Ah… I don't think so. Princesses don't go around slaying monsters."  
She leaned back and threw her head back slightly, resting it against the edge. Garrus also took up a comfortable sitting position; one of his legs lifted up with his feet resting on his other thigh and his arms propped against the upper edge, his fingers just an inch away from Shepard's towel-covered head.

"What exactly happened between the two of you?"  
"Ugh." Shepard grunted as she pulled the towel down to cover the upper half of her face.  
The next few seconds of silence gave an opportunity to Garrus to back out politely, but he didn't take it. He wanted to know.  
"To put it simply, a one-night stand. It happened before Ilos. Kaidan came to see me and started his usual indecisive rambling. I pushed him over the edge. I was a mess, after all, it was practically just after Virmire. I had enough of all the shit that happened, but I couldn't show it in front of the crew or you guys."  
She went silent, and Garrus took it as a sign that she was finished with the story.  
"You could've shown it to me…"  
He felt a pang of jealousy that Shepard made an exception with Alenko, but not with him. He was sure they were much closer than that…  
"Come on Garrus, you looked up to me…"  
"So?", he turned sideways to face her, but her eyes were still covered. He breathed out angrily and snatched the towel from her.  
Shepard jumped a little in surprise as she reached up to her hair.  
"So I didn't want you to be disappointed in me, obviously. Can we stop talking about this already? It was a mistake to begin with."

Garrus stared at her with a tinge of confusion in his eyes.  
"If it was a mistake, why did you do it in the first place?"  
Shepard grunted again over the turian's stubbornness.  
"Look, Garrus. There is a reason why such things are officially taboo in the military."  
"_Your_ military, maybe."  
Shepard turned her body a little to get a better look at his face. Was he joking?  
"What do you mean? Don't tell me that the strict turian military encourages 'fraternization'…"  
"Well, they don't exactly discourage it either…"  
Shepard kept blinking at him in surprise.  
"As long as it helps you keep your head in the game, and of course doesn't involve personal drama, nobody cares what you do in your free time."  
"But stuff like that is usually bound to bring the drama along."  
Garrus stared at her in disbelief. Were humans really that primitive?  
"Not if you make your intentions clear right at the start. You give your offer, and if the other is interested, good. If they aren't… well… nothing lost, nothing gained."  
"That's a quite practical way to look at things." She propped her elbow on the couch. "Actually, a lot better than how humans manage this stuff."

Garrus shifted a little closer.  
"Shepard, you're the person I respect the most in this world. If _anything_ is bothering you, don't ever keep it from me. What I said back on Horizon… I meant it."  
She stared at him with eyes grown wide with surprise. She wanted to say something, but she wasn't good at this, and the sudden change in the mood startled her. Eventually, she looked away and tried to force on a smile.  
"Yeah… well, for someone you respect that much, you sure disagree a lot with my orders."  
Garrus rolled his eyes.  
"Nice change of topic, Commander." When she didn't look back at him, he grew frustrated. He reached out and grabbed her free arm. "After living for two years with the thought of your death, I don't really like obeying your reckless suicide ideas."  
Shepard tugged on her arm, but he didn't let go.  
"You didn't have a problem with that before."  
She was referring to their time back on the SR-1.  
"Because I never actually realized that you could just die like that."  
Shepard finally managed to yank her arm free.  
"Sooner or later, everyone dies. I was some kind of role model for you, I get it… But you'd eventually leave to follow your own path, so in the end, what difference does it make?"  
"It's not that easy… If you could hear what you're saying."

Garrus started growling, his words became deep and throaty. He reached out for her again, but when she tried to brush his hand off, his expression stiffened. His arms grabbed her shoulders in a blink of an eye, and in the next minute Shepard found herself pushed down onto the couch, with Garrus's form towering over her smaller one.  
"Garrus…" She was confused. People always kept a safe distance with her. Thanks to her imperative attitude, not many dared to oppose or confront her directly. Normally, she should've been angry, but surprisingly, she found that she didn't feel angered or offended at all. Her body reacted in a completely different way than she expected. For now, she just felt the need to stay still and listen to whatever he had to say.  
"I never meant to leave. I wanted to become a Spectre so I could be your equal and not just some stupid subordinate who can never reach up to you."  
This time, Shepard returned his gaze. She realized that she had no way to conveniently escape the situation just because it was personal.  
"You never were just a 'subordinate', Garrus. You came along because you wanted to, and I always appreciated that. I could never treat you like the official crew, even if sometimes I wanted to try, it never worked. You were different."  
His mesmerizing blue eyes wouldn't let go of her shining green ones. They practically pleaded her to say it. Shepard smiled as she gave light knock to his frontal plate with her knuckles.  
"You were always special."

She couldn't really tell how her words made him feel besides 'happy', as he instantly buried his face in the crook of her neck. She sighed. She didn't have much experience with intimate situations like this, so she decided to give up on thinking, and trusted herself to her intuition. She raised her arms and pulled Garrus into an embrace. She could tell that this surprised him as she felt his body momentarily stiffen before his muscles relaxed.  
They stayed like that for quite some time. Shepard was already drifting towards sleep as Garrus rose up, staring at an exact spot on her skin.  
"You're hurt."  
His voice seemed unusually soft, and Shepard could've sworn that she could fell asleep then and there listening to him.  
"No I'm not", she managed to mumble under her breath.  
"Your skin is burned here."  
He brushed his finger over the spot, earning a hiss from her.  
"It'll heal if you leave it alone.", she murmured. Sleep has already faded from her eyes. "The shield must've overheated. I didn't notice."  
"You should get an ointment or something from Chakwas."  
"Come on Garrus, it's just a mild burn, not the plague."  
Shepard finally had enough of being fretted over and stood up to get some free space.

"Your hair looks strange."  
"Huh?" She combed through her blond locks with her fingers. "Ah… I forgot to completely dry and brush it. I'll get it into shape before we reach the Citadel."  
"Why are we going there?"  
Suddenly, Garrus seemed awfully chatty.  
"I need to meet up with Anderson and see how bad the situation is. You can come along if you want to, but I can only promise boring politics. Somehow I get the feeling that the Council members still didn't manage to pull their heads out of their ass.  
Garrus chuckled lightly, then he stood up, ready leave.  
"Very likely. I wouldn't want to miss it anyway. Get some sleep, Shepard."

When he finally walked out, Shepard felt the silence uncomfortable. At the same time, her thoughts started racing about the things that happened.  
She was just about to get to bed, and her mind had to deal with the events of Horizon and _this_. If she was anyone else, she wouldn't envy her own situation.

* * *

The Citadel was just as bright and sparkling as ever. Not counting the small trouble with identification at the gates, things worked out quite well. It seemed that nobody was bothered by her presence, and this was rather helpful. Right now, she didn't need any extra attention.  
She browsed around the stores of the ward before she headed to the presidium. She managed to get her hands on a few useful upgrades for her arsenal, and she even spotted a couple of gadgets for her squad members. She also passed by a grandiose store selling top-class ingredients for various types of meals, both dextro and levo. Seeing the general discontent with the menu on the Normandy, she decided that Cerberus could've reached deeper into the pocket with the food department, so she went ahead and purchased huge amount of groceries with their funds.

As she wandered around the place, she ran into a quarrel right in the middle of the street. Seeing that a quarian was involved, she inched closer to the trio. The girl reminded her of Tali, so she decided on helping her out.  
After a few minutes of looking around, she easily found the missing credit chit, and she only wanted to punch the C-Sec officer in the face about five times through the whole ordeal.  
"Are all your ex-colleagues this useless?", she asked Garrus, and he simply shrugged.  
"Some of them."

Considering how things turned out on Horizon, Shepard was prepared for the worst. Fortunately, Anderson was still the man she remembered from before. He wasn't dismissive at all, and Shepard couldn't tell him how much this meant to her. She was already preparing mentally for an identity crisis, just in case that man lost faith in her too.  
Suffering through the Council's idiocy didn't take more effort than usual. At least they didn't try to throw her off of the Citadel or ground her there right away. With them, even that counted as something. In the end, they even gave her Spectre status back… They must've been having a blast that day.  
As an appropriate final act, even Udina managed to show up. It was reassuring to see that he was just as insufferable as before.  
"Why the hell is he still here?", she whispered to Anderson.  
"Necessity.", he whispered back through his teeth.

Shepard took a deep breath as she was finally outside the office. She pulled up her omnitool interface and saw that there was another set of Christmas gifts from TIM: three new dossiers. That meant three new – most likely troublesome – recruits to be picked up.  
"The more the merrier, huh?" She asked herself, a little bit louder than she intended.  
"Hm?" Garrus leaned towards her to sneak a glance at the interface.  
"Well, it seems like our crew isn't big enough yet. Like I didn't have enough problems to tend to already…"

They left the Citadel in a hurry. With assignments piling up like that, time was of the essence…


End file.
